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"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."
Dunlop and Crowel: Disinvestment Counselors
'The hunting and gathering has worked for you, but as you get older, it;s time to switch to dividend-yielding bonds.'
I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks
'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'
'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'
'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'
"Yes, it's true that Social Security could run out of funds. But that shouldn't worry you...at your age you'll be long dead by then!"
'Enviousness, crime, fear... money causes the most of the trouble on Earth. So why don't you just give me all your money and live a much happier life?'
'My first piece of advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket.'
'I'm looking for a kinder word than nose-dive.'
'My cash flow? It flows right out of my hands to my creditors.'
'I asked to be placed on the national no-call list for margin calls.'
'If it's safety and security you're looking for, we recommend throwing your money down a rat hole.'
"This article says that a good investment consultant can smell money like a dog smells fear..."
"And how, may I ask, do you plan to invest the loot?"
'I used to be a financial analyst - but all my predictions of economic meltdown came true!'
'In my years of meditation, I've concluded that being a prophet without profit is not the path to nirvana.'
"...And how, may I ask, do you plan to invest the loot?"
"Anyway, "Plan B" was shoplifting to supplement my retirement income, and that brings me to our meeting today."
First, you'll need to issue an IPO for 'wheels'
"This is Brad. If there's a loophole, he'll find it."
"Sure you can question my financial judgement, but you have to admire the strength of my convictions."
'Boy - How I miss the good ol' dangerous dogs... '
'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'