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'I don't know whether the fish oils have helped his concentration but they've certainly helped keep the fly population down.'
"The good news is that he went on a course and got in touch with his 'inner child'."
"In honor of you being a great mom, I've decided to be good. This is only temporary, as I'm only human."
Have you drugged your child today?
'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'
'It always was a difficult class!'
'It's not his fault. He's got SMBD - spuriously medicalised behavioural disorder.'
'With this double-shot laser gun you'll be able to nail two of the little blighters at the same time.'
"And when did this over-aggressive behavior begin to manifest itself?"
"We tried matching your child's behavioral patterns with one of those new-fangled medical condition, but it turns out that he really is just a precocious little twerp!"
"He suffers from Niceness Oppositional Syndrome..."
'My first impression is that you have a false sense of entitlement. Now, get the hell out. I'm with another patient.'
'It's one of our most popular courses.'
'Next time when you go out I think we should hire a proper baby-sitter!'
'My therapist can beat up your therapist.'
'Darling, you remember that unbreakable toy we bought him? He's used it to break all the others...'
Dog in the Bed.
It is sometimes questionable that children who have an active father figure have fewer psychological and behavioral problems.
"Scratch an angry person, Mel, and underneath, you're likely to find a person who doesn't like being scratched very much!"
"...and this is where the teachers go to get away from me!"
"The principal's leaving early today, Phillip, so go to the office now, and you can act up later."
"You can see why, when he was 7, his parents left home!"