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Execution Fairground Attraction
"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."
Tags:execution, executions, death penalty, the death penalty, electric chair, the electric chair, lethal injection, lethal injections, death row, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, crimes, criminal, criminals, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, death row lawyer, death row lawyers, capital punishment, low iq, iq, incompetent, incompetence, temporary insanity, temporarily insane, legal system, the legal system, illogical, irrational, insanity defense, insanity defence, defense lawyer, defence lawyers, defense lawyers, defence lawyers, criminal prosecution
"Everything's more fun with Muppets!"
Tags:execution, executions, children's show, children's shows, childrens show, childrens shows, kid, kids, audience, audiences, child, children, inappropriate, cute, evil, fun, guillotine, capital punishment, death penalty, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, lighten up, lightening up, shock, offense, offence
"And now let's welcome, for the first and last time . . ."
Tags:execution, executions, execute, executes, executing, modern life, capital punishment, guest, guests, talk show, talk shows, talk show host, talk show hosts, commodify, commodifies, commodification, death penalty, state murder, state murders, state-sanctioned murder, anti-death penalty, late night talk show, late night talk shows, dark humor, dark humour
"To make it more sporting, I've also blindfolded the men."
Tags:gun, guns, gun control, second amendment, right to bear arms, firearm, firearms, handgun, weapon, violence, shooting, mass shootings, shootings, school shooting, school shootings, firing squad, death, die, dying, dead, died, death penalty, sentenced to die, sentenced to death, death sentence, crimes, criminal, criminals, prison, prisoner, prisoners, bad idea, bad ideas, danger, dangerous, blindfold, blindfolds, blindfolded, shoot, shooting, law, laws, law and order
"It's refreshing to find a killer bee who's pro capital punishment."
"I can't belive that I'm late for my own execution."
Tags:new york, ny, urban, urban life, urban living, city, cities, city life, living in the city, city living, car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobiles, taxi, taxis, taxi cab, taxi cabs, cab, cabs, driver, drivers, driving, traffic, traffic jam, gridlock, bumper-to-bumper, congestion, stuck in traffic, stuck, trapped, unable to move, rush hour, late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, death, execution, executions, capital punishment, death penalty, criminal, criminals, convict, convicts, blindfold, blindfolds, blindfolded, transportation
"No, Danny can't come out and play. Danny's on death row."
"O.K. That covers the last meal. Now, which would you prefer, hanging, electrocution, or lethal injection?"
Tags:prison, prisons, jail, jails, incarceration, inmate, inmates, convict, convicts, prisoner, prisoners, criminal, criminal, punishments, capital punishment, death penalty, officer, officers, guard, guards, jailer, jailers, prison guard, prison guards, note, notes, questionnaire, questionnaires, survey, surveys, data collection, last meal, last meals, meal, meals, food, hanging, electrocution, lethal injection, execution, executions, methods of execution, condemned, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour
"I won't lie to you.Chopin's 'Funeral March' is a bad sign."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, jury, juries, defendant, defendants, client, clients, defense, defence, foreman, foreman, verdict, verdicts, sentencing, punishments, capital punishment, death penalty, execution, executions, bad sign, bad signs, lie, lies, lying, truth, honest, honesty, orchestra, music, musical instrument, musical instruments, instrument, instruments, conductor, conductors, conducting, musician, musicians, composer, composers, frederic chopin, chopin, piano sonata no. 2, funeral march
"OK, now—this time for real!"
Tags:false start, false starts, miss, misses, missing, firing squad, firing squads, death penalty, capital punishment, death row, execution, executions, execute, executes, executing, executioner, executioners, frighten, frightens, frightening, scare, scares, scaring, scare to death, scares to death, scaring to death, target, targets, targeting, targeted
"And then on Friday at two you're scheduled to be put to death by lethal injection."
Tags:secretary, secretaries, pa, pas, personal assistant, personal assistants, administrator, administrators, schedule, schedules, agenda, agendas, death penalty, the death penalty, lethal injection, lethal injections, capital punishment, death row, on death row, death row inmate, prisoner, prisoners, criminal, criminals, inmate, inmates, full schedule, full schedules, death sentence, the death sentence, execution, executions, business man, business men, business person, business people, businessman, businessmen, businessperson
'Knee replacement huh? I'm pretty sure Thunder wasn't given that was an option.'
Tags:surgery, knee, knees, knee replacement, knee surgery, operation, operations, jockey, jockeys, rehabilitated, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, remedies, rehabilitation, remedy, surgery, surgical procedure, medical procedure, surgical procedures, medical procedures, capital punishment, death penalty, race horse, race horses, shooting, shoot, shoots, resent, resentment
"This is what you get for trying to be a wit."
Tags:wit, wits, witty, wittiness, witticism, witticisms, smart alek, smart alecks, smart alec, smart alecs, jestor, jestors, jester, jesters, firing squad, firing squads, executioner, executioners, execution, executions, death penalty, death penalties, death sentence, death sentences, smart ass, smart asses, dictator, dictators, dictatorship, tyranny, tyrannies, tyrant, tyrants
"I guess my wife couldn't make it."
"Jeez, did we ever goof!"
Tags:execute, executes, executing, executioner, executioners, martyr, martyrs, religious martyr, religious martyrs, capital punishment, death penalty, blunder, blunders, prophet, prophets, divine, divinity, bless, blesses, blessing, blessings, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, judgement day, judgment day, mistake, mistakes, goof, goofs, pious, piety, believer, believers, god's will, sins, sinning, saint, saints, martyred, blame, blames, blaming, god's wrath
"I'm just the anesthesiologist."
Tags:anaesthesiologist, anaesthesiologists, anesthesiologist, anesthesiologists, anaesthesia, anaesthetics, knock out, knocking out, knocked out, anaesthetise, anaesthetised, anesthetise, anaesthetised, execute, executed, executioner, executioners, guillotine, guillotines, death penalty, medieval death penalty, death penalties
"Here they come!"
Tags:prank, bucket of water, pranks, death penalty, death, dead, died, dying, sentenced to death, electric chair, electrocuted, electrocution, electricity, police, policemen, guards, prison, prisons, jail, locked up, corrections, correctional officer, police officer, police officers, justice system, giddy, excited, twisted, twisted pleasures, guilty pleasure, guilty, found guilty
"Lethal injection's my favorite, because they don't make you shave your head."
Tags:lethal injection, electrocute, electrocutes, electrocuting, electrocution, death penalty, death penalties, shave your head, shaves your head, shaving your head, shave, shaves, vain, vanity, death row, inmate, inmates, hair, hairstyle, hairstyles, capital punishment, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, fashionable
A matador executes a bull in an electric chair
"It's sodium thiopental o'clock."
Tags:sodium thiopental, thiopental, thiopentone, lethal injection, lethal injections, capital punishment, death sentence, death sentences, death penalty, death penalties, prison, prisons, death row, jail, jails, convict, convicts, prisoner, prisoners, last meal, prison guard, prison guards, priest, priests
"You have a choice of three-bean salad or lethal injection."
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, diner, diners, cafe, cafes, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, waitress, waitresses, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, three-bean salad, salad, salads, bean, beans, lethal injection, punishments, capital punishment, death penalty, execution, executions, death, choice, choices, choosing, option, options, decision, decisions, deciding
"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."
Tags:lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, court-appointed, public defender, public defenders, defence, defense, client, clients, defendant, defendants, jail, jail, prison, prisons, criminal, criminals, convict, convicts, death row, death penalty, capital punishment, execution, executions, executed, cell, cells, empty, gone, disappeared, too late, bad timing, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence, death, black humour, black humor, dark humour, dark humor
"And if we start televising the executions we can also market a hilarious bloopers tape."
Tags:marketing, marketing, brand, brands, branding, public relations, idea, ideas, profit, profits, amoral, immoral, shock, shocking, consumerism, mass media, media coverage, internet culture, sale, sales, dignity, capitalism, money making, salesmen, salesman, gross, board, boardroom, meeting, meetings, execute, executed, executioner, executioners, capital punishment, jail, jailed, criminal, death row, dead, dying, die, died, death, cop, cops, officer, officers, police officer, police officers, capital punishment, death penalty
"I'm sorry, but I'm morally and politically opposed to hangman."
Tags:hangman, games, game, childs games, childrens games, play, playing, child, children, childhood, modern childhood, precocious child, precocious children, death penalty, capital punishment, hang, hanging, state violence, moral stand, moral stands, abolish death penalty, abolish, liberal views, liberals, liberal, bleeding-heart liberal