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"And now let's welcome, for the first and last time . . ."
Tags:execution, executions, execute, executes, executing, modern life, capital punishment, guest, guests, talk show, talk shows, talk show host, talk show hosts, commodify, commodifies, commodification, death penalty, state murder, state murders, state-sanctioned murder, anti-death penalty, late night talk show, late night talk shows, dark humor, dark humour
"My loyal opposition wasn't loyal enough."
An executioner practices beheading with his son on a tee-ball.
Tags:tee-ball, father-son bond, father-son bonds, bond, bonds, bonding time, bonding times, executioner, executioners, execute, executes, executing, father, fathers, dad, dads, son, sons, family business, family businesses, tee ball, tee, tees, tee off, tees off, teeing off, practice, practices, practicing, baseball bat, baseball bats, bat, bats, batting, batter, batters, swing, swings, swinging, axe, axes, blade, blades, executioner's blade
'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'
"OK, now—this time for real!"
Tags:false start, false starts, miss, misses, missing, firing squad, firing squads, death penalty, capital punishment, death row, execution, executions, execute, executes, executing, executioner, executioners, frighten, frightens, frightening, scare, scares, scaring, scare to death, scares to death, scaring to death, target, targets, targeting, targeted
He replied all.
Tags:reply all, reply all button, accident, accidents, accidental, email, email chain, email chains, e-mail, e-mail chain, faux pas, office worker, office workers, office drone, office drones, corporate culture, work email, work emails, corporation, corporations, burn at the stake, burns at the stake, execute, executes, executing, heretic, heretics, pariah, pariahs, outcast, outcasts, social outcast, social outcasts, burn the witch, nuisance, nuisances, overreaction, overreactions, overreact, overreacting, annoying, mistake, mistakes, common mistake, common mistakes
"Jeez, did we ever goof!"
Tags:execute, executes, executing, executioner, executioners, martyr, martyrs, religious martyr, religious martyrs, capital punishment, death penalty, blunder, blunders, prophet, prophets, divine, divinity, bless, blesses, blessing, blessings, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, judgement day, judgment day, mistake, mistakes, goof, goofs, pious, piety, believer, believers, god's will, sins, sinning, saint, saints, martyred, blame, blames, blaming, god's wrath
A matador executes a bull in an electric chair
"Level with me, Colonel. What kind of worst-case scenario are we talking about here?"
Tags:colonel, colonels, worst-case scenario, worse case scenario, worst-case scenarios, worse case scenarios, execution, executions, death sentence, death sentences, firing squad, firing squads, execute, executes, court martial, capital punishment, capital punishments, court martials, soldier, soldiers
'My son has a science fair coming up and he was wondering if you wouldn't mind putting some unpopped popcorn in your mouth.'
'Your sales have been so bad lately, firing you wasn't good enough.'
"Your four-o'clock is here."
Tags:business, businesses, meeting, meetings, death, deaths, execution, executioner, executions, executioners, executive, executives, pun, office, offices, meet, fire, fired, firing, barbaric, corporate culture, corporate cultures, cutthroat, businessmen, businessperson, businessman, murder, killing, execute, executes
"Your 5 A.M. is here."
Tags:appointment, appointments, execution, executions, execute, executes, executing, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, criminal, criminals, criminality, wake, wakes, wake up, wakes up, waking up, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, receptionist, receptionists, secretary, secretaries, office assistant, office assistants, office assistance, death row, death rows, inmate, inmates
"Yes, we cater to a rather specialized clientele."
Tags:headsman, antique, antiques, executioner, executioners, execute, executes, executing, kill, kills, killing, killings, tortures, torturers, special interest, special interests, clientele, clienteles, cater, caters, catering, antique shop, antique shops, antiquing, antique store, antique stores, specialty, specialties, speciality, specialities
'You're right, there wasn't much blood getting to his head.'
"Thanksgiving shmanksgiving - we both know this is because I slept with your wife."
Tags:thanksgiving, turkey, turkeys, turkey dinner, turkey dinners, revenge, vengeance, other man, other men, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters, adulterer, adulterers, execute, executes, executing, execution, executions, fight back, fights back, fighting back, christmas, christmas dinner, christmas dinners, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses
'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'
'If it makes you feel any better, this is just part of an experiment in democracy and limited government.'
'You make me want to be a better person.'
"Boy, the king really loves that "Suspended Sentence" joke, right?"
Tags:hang, hangs, hanging, hangings, lynch, lynches, lynching, execute, executes, execution, executions, punishments, crimes, criminal, criminals, capital punishment, king, judge, judgement, joke, pun, wordplay, puns, medieval, dark ages, gallows, hangman, insensitive, insensitive joke, cruel, cruelty, callous, callousness, kings, monarch, monarchs, privileged, privilege
Prison gift shop.
Clean for ye Queen
"Due to recent anti-smoking legislation, all I can offer you is a last stick of gum or 'the patch.'"
Tags:smoking, smoker, smokers, last cigarette, last cigarettes, last smoke, last smokes, anti-smoking, no smoking, no smoking laws, anti-smoking legislation, smoking ban, smoking bans, firing squad, firing squads, execution, executions, execute, executes, last minutes, dead, death, die, dying, nicotine gum, nicotine patch, nicotine patches, the patch
'Think of us as a kind of stop smoking clinic. We can unequivocally guarantee it'll be your last cigarette.'