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'Silent type, eh?'
Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving
Tags:surrogate, surrogates, thanksgiving, thanksgiving dinner, thanksgiving dinners, turkey day, tofu, sub, substitute, substitutes, meat sub, meat substitute, meat substitutes, substitution, substitutions, eat healthy, eats healthy, eating healthy, healthy eater, healthy eaters, pointless, soy, soy protein, soy proteins
"Please listen carefully, as my menu options have changed."
"Ordinarily, I lean toward a land-based-MX system. But when I have a few drinks I lean toward those little submarines."
Tags:missile, missiles, nuclear war, nuclear wars, nuke, nukes, nuclear bomb, nuclear bombs, atom bomb, atom bombs, atomic bomb, atomic bombs, sub, subs, submarine, submarines, drunk, drunks, drunken, military industrial complex, military industry, military industries, bar, bars, preference, preferences, world war 3, world war iii, world war, world wars, holocaust, nuclear holocaust, icbm, icbms, hawk, hawks, war hawk, war hawks
"Where once there was one sandwich-now there are two!"
Tags:magic, magic show, magic shows, performance, performances, entertainment, magician, magicians, magic act, magic acts, magic trick, magic tricks, trick, tricks, saw, saws, saw in half, half, sandwich, sandwiches, sub, subs, submarine sandwich, submarine sandwiches, baguette, baguettes, deli, sandwich shop, sandwich shops, sandwich store, sandwich stores, cafe, cafes, restaurant, restaurants, bad magician, bad magicians
'...When you make stupid errors, you sit on the other bench.'
Tags:baseball, base ball, bench, benches, benched, sub, subs, substitute, substitutes, substituted, reserve, reserves, reserved, replace, replaces, replacing, replaced, mistake, mistakes, mistaken, error, errors, stupid, idiotic, silly, spike, spikes, spiky, sharp, painful, pin, pins, sit, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"The U.S.S. Narcissus"
Tags:narcissus, narcissism, narcissist, narcissists, vain, vanity, egoist, egoists, ego, egoism, egotistical, egocentric, conceit, conceited, self-absorbed, sea, seas, ocean, submarine, submarines, sub, subs, periscope, periscopes, mirror, mirrors, hand mirror, hand mirrors, vanity mirror, vanity mirrors, looking at oneself, admiring oneself, reflection, reflections, u.s.s., united states ship, uss, word play, wordplay
Now I cannot overstress the importance of order here!
'I presume you're the substitute teacher?'
Strategic metals vs. non-strategic metals.
Tags:metal, metals, strategic metal, metal, metals, military, military industry, military industries, alloy, alloys, aircraft, aircrafts, defense industry, defense industries, military-industrial complex, manufacturer, manufacturers, manufacturing, sub, subs, submarine, submarines, jet, jets, fighter, fighters, fighting, tank, tanks, defense budget, defense budgets
"I could really go for a sandwich in the shape of myself."
'It followed me home, can I keep it?'
"Was there a report that my class was unruly when the substitute teacher filled in for me?"
"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."
'I presume you're the substitute teacher?'
"I used to have a Paul Newman role in our marriage, but now I'm taking the Harry Dean Stanton part."
Tags:sub, subs, submissive role, submissive roles, dominance, power struggle, power struggles, marriage, marriages, modern marriage, modern marriages, emasculates, emasculating, role, roles, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, paul newman, harry dean stanton, control, weak, weakness, authority, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses
'What's a gal like you doing in an ocean like this?!'
"This one can be a problem. He's the class clown and his material is so good, it's hard not to laugh."
Tags:school, schools, classrooms, classroom, classes, class clown, class clowns, comedian, comedians, comedy, comic, comics, stand-up, stand-ups, standup, standups, problem child, problem children, teaching, teacher, teachers, student, students, student teachers, sub, subs, substitute, substitutes, train, trains, training
"And after the break, I'd like to show everyone a clip from my latest film."
Tags:chat show, chat shows, chat-show, chat-shows, submarine, submarines, sub, subs, military submarine, military submarines, military sub, military subs, movie, movies, film, films, movie clip, movie clips, film clip, film clips, promotional appearance, promotional appearances, action movie, action movies, action film, action films
"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."
Pete's Canyon of Heroes
Tags:hero, heroes, canyon of heroes, nyc, new york, new york city, parade, parades, celebrate, celebration, celebrations, remember, remembering, restaurant, restaurants, fast food, fast foods, food, foods, sandwich, sandwiches, sub, subs, grinder, grinders, po'boy, po'boys, hoagie, hoagies, play on words, word play, tradition
"You must be the substitute teacher."
"Sorry we couldn't give you more time off for the funeral, Sam. You know how hard it is to get a substitute."
"Not a 'Stand-In,' Aaaron. I'm a 'Substitute teacher."