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"Today's estimated hold time before your hand falls asleep is nine minutes."
"Due to unusually high wish volume, you may experience a greater hold time than usual. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."
"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."
"You've reached '1-800-WATER-4-U.' Please leave a message."
'...thanks for calling. You will now getting kicked out of the line.'
"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."
"I had to take a plane to here so I could remind you that you have me on hold."