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Piggy Bank Coin I.V.
'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'
"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."
"He may be dead but according to this survey his paperwork is WORLD CLASS!"
Urgent Care/Walk It Off
"Time for your 6 a.m. Pie-in-the-face, Mr. Chuckles!"
"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."
"You want a glass of water...Hang on I think I've got an app for that!"
"In order to maximise returns from fixed capital assets we've had to sell your bed in the Hong Kong market."
"They're to remind me to change your bandages."
'Your insurance will cover you...but only with this blanket.'
"This is one of our 'elderly' patients, or to use the more technical term, 'bedblocker'."
"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."
"We're well equipped for emergencies. Anything your insurance won't cover, you can pay for on the ATM."
"C'mon, walk it off!"
"You've tested positive for substantial out of pocket expenses."
"According to the interns' fantasy medical league, you should be out of here in three days."
'Of course I'm a skilled professional nurse. Didn't you see me wash my hands and turn off the water with my elbows?...'
"John says you've all been compassionate and caring! Would you please stop... or he'll expect that at home!"
Hospital: Sign to the Light
Hospital Sign: Admissions, Outpatient, Drive Thru.
"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"
"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"
"We've run the whole gamut of tests on you, and you now appear to be suffering from overtesting."