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'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'
"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."
'The minister's trying something new to encourage more contributions to the Sunday collection.'
'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'
Football or no football, that's not how we pass the plate.
Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.
The collection plate at church has a piggy bank on it.
Tags:church, churches, mass, collection, collections, collection plate, collection plates, donation, donations, donation plate, donation plates, piggy bank, piggy banks, tithe, tithes, tithing, allowance, allowances, meagre offering, meager offering, meagre offerings, meager offerings, humble, humble offering, humble offerings, child, kid, kids
IOUs In The Church Collection Plate
'Wait...I have a coupon.'
"Special Easter offering."
"They always pass me these collection plates at church, so I started collecting them."
Tags:church, churches, church offering, church offerings, offering plate, offering plates, service, services, sermon, sermons, collection plate, collection plates, church collection, church collections, kid, kids, christianity, christian, christians, collector, collectors, collecting, collection, collections
'How can you be so cheap?'
"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."
". . . plus % entertainment tax."
"Is it a sin to think of them as gives and give nots?"
Tags:priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, vicar, vicars, church, church finances, church collections, donation, donations, churches, sin, sinner, sinners, church offering, church offerings, offering plate, offering plates, collection plate, collection plates, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners
"I see no logic in the servant of an all-knowing, all-powerful deity requiring funds to do his bidding."
Tags:scifi, science fiction, logic, logical, religion, religions, religious, religious people, belief, beliefs, belief system, belief systems, deity, deities, god, gods, faith, faiths, dogma, sunday school, evangelical, evangelicals, jesus freak, jesus freaks, christian, christians, christianity, catholic, catholics, catholicism, church, churches, church donations, donation, donations, collection plate, collection, collections, atheist, atheists, atheism, dog, skeptic, skeptics, star trek
"During the collection, please remember that the road to our church is currently paved with good intentions."
"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."
"Since you tithed from the 'net' and not the 'gross', you're going to Hog Heaven instead."
"The pastor has got to work on that lisp of his."
Tags:pastor, preacher, minister, reverend, tithe, tithes, neck-tie, neck-ties, lisps, lisping, lisped, pastors, preachers, ministers, reverends, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, speech impediment, speech impediments, church, churches, collection plate, collection plates, offering, offerings, tie, ties, necktie, neckties, lisp, money, cash, offering, church, church service
"You take an offering "EVERY" week?"
"Of course religious leaders are frauds. Try putting a check that is payable to 'God' in a church's collection plate and see what happens."
Tags:religions, religious, atheist, atheists, atheism, god, gods, belief, beliefs, believe, bible, bibles, biblical, secular, secularist, secularists, theology, theologian, theologians, jesus, christ, christian, christians, christianity, catholic, catholics, catholosisim, faith, faiths, secular society, secular societies, collection plate, collection plates, church collection, church collections, offering, offerings, con, cons, scam, scams, con man, con men
"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."
"One god... one church... one collection."
"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"