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"Three 'a's, of course, in Barbara?"
"He ain't heavy, Father. He's a noodle."
"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."
If the confessionals a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!!!"
"Thank God you're here, first I need your help assembling this Ikea exorcism futon."
Tags:flatpack furniture, flatpack, flatpacks, furniture, furnitures, priest, priests, exorcism, exorcist, exorcists, futon, futons, instruction booklet, instruction guide, instructions, minister, ministers, preacher, preachers, demon, demons, possession, possessions, devil, devils, haunting, hauntings, haunted
"It's not just the church that needs evangelists. So does big oil."
Tags:church, churches, evangelist, evangelists, evangelical, evangelicals, big oil, oil company, oil companies, spokesman, spokesmen, spokesperson, spokespeople, praise, praises, praising, shill, shills, shilling, corporation, corporations, megacorporation, megacorporations, mega-corporation, mega-corporations, run interference, runs interference, running interference, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, pastor, pastors
Priest getting stained glass glasses.
"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."
"We'd like you to leave out the poorer, sickness, and death parts - they're a little dark."
Tags:vow, vows, marriage vow, marriage vows, personal vow, personal vows, marriage ceremony, marriage ceremonies, 'til death do us part, depressing, depression, depression, dark, sickness, wedding, weddings, bride, brides, groom, grooms, minister, ministers, request, requests, requesting, marriage vow, marriage vows, priest, priests, favor, favors, favour, favours, ask a favor, asking a favor
"And the Lord spoke to the children of Israel and said, 'Thou must forswear these practices which are a blasphemy and an abomination in my sight, you know what I'm saying?'"
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, preacher, preachers, sermon, sermons, bible, biblical, old testament, exodus, book of exodus, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, moses, commandment, commandments, ten commandments, 10 commandments, decalogue, casual, informal, understandable, slang, modern language, modern english, modern life, you know
"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, parish, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, church-goer, church-goers, sick, sickness, ill, illness, disease, diseases, death, dying, church fund, church funds, donation, donations, offering, offerings, money, punishments, blessing, blessings, money-hungry, greedy, greed, sins, grotesque
"I'm afraid this is auf Wiedersehen, Padre. Estelle and I are setting up our own little religion."
"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, beauty, attractiveness, out of his league, mismatched, wedding, weddings, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, wedding vows, vows, exchanging vows, saying i do, bride, brides, groom, grooms, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, preacher, preachers
"Stop me if you heard this one."
"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."
Tags:priest, priests, catholic priest, catholic priests, catholic, catholics, restaurant, restaurants, family meal, family meals, grace, saying grace, pray, praying, devout, texting, text, texts, phone, phones, glued to your phone, glued to the phone, phone addict, phone addicts, modern families, modern life
"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."
Tags:tonsil hockey, priest, priests, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, vicar, vicars, modern, modern times, pastor, pastors, wedding, weddings, marriage ceremony, marriage ceremonies, bride, brides, groom, grooms, casual, casualness, punk, punks, punk rock, informal, informality, make out, makes out, making out
Tags:crucifix, crucifixes, cross, crosses, christian, christians, christianity, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, preacher, preachers, spoon, spoons, cutlery, utensil, utensils, compete, competition, practical, practicality, glasses chain, glasses chains, envy, envious, surprise, surprises, surprised, unconventional, unconventionality, individual, individualistic, individualism, individuality
"If there is anyone who objects to this union, either here or on the Internet, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Tags:relationship, relationships, wedding, weddings, marriage, marriages, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, vow, vows, bride, brides, groom, grooms, webcam, webcams, technology, modern life, online, internet, streaming, live streaming, live, live video, video feed, live videos, video feeds, camera, cameras, video camera, video cameras, audience, speak now or forever hold your peace, object, objection, objections, minister, ministers, priest, priests, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, modern life, modern wedding, modern weddings, broadcast, broadcasts, broadcasting, computer, computers, head camera, head cameras, action camera, action cameras
Regular Confession and Express Booth.
'Wouldn't it be easier to just SMS God, rather than pray'
"I see that you work for one of those faith-based organizations."
Tags:faith, faiths, faith based, faith-based, organisation, organization, organisations, organizations, priest, priests, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, priesthood, priesthoods, religious charity, religious charities, religious belief, religious beliefs, business network, business networks, business networking
"My parents will come to church again if you switch to rose."
Tags:sacramental wine, communion wine, altar wine, eucharist, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, communion, holy communion, christianity, wine, wines, red wine, rose, rose wine, fair weather friends, occasional churchgoer, churchgoer, churchgoers, devout, lapsed catholic, lapsed anglican, lapsed christian, lapsed, insincere, insincerity, alter boy, alter boys, parent, parents
"You think I'm a loose canon, Don't you."
"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."
"How many bad habits do you have to have to equal once vice?"
Tags:habit, habits, bad habit, bad habits, sins, vice, vices, morality, ethics, ethical, penance, forgiveness, hail mary, priest, priests, minister, ministers, religion, repentance, repent, mortal sin, mortal sins, religion, catholicism, christianity, church, churches, places of worship, place of worship, level of offense, guilt, conscience