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'Would you like your child be in the gluten-free class, the lactose-free class, or the peanut-allergic class?'
"If it's gluten-free, peanut-free, lactose-free and fat-free, why does it cost more?"
'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'