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"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'
Kelvin and Hobbs (Roy).
'Please, 'Mr. Never-wears-pants' was my father's name. Call me Gary.'
'It's worse than reported. Contact the E.P.A., notify the coastguard, and from now on make sure Pauly D swims with his head above water.'
"It's been on 'Today' - a pop singer no one's heard of who had a hit no one remembers has died!"
Cooking without Jamie Oliver
"I'm here at the actual location and here is the very dustbin that had been knocked over sometime last evening. Luckily, no celebrities were involved in the incident..."
Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.