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"Nice try, but your friend can't fly as carry-on luggage."
"Don't you know who I am?! I demand an upgrade! I'm a platinum-plus frequent fly..."
Options for carry-on luggage that's too big to fit under the seat or in the overhead bin.
'Ma'am, I think you've misunderstood the term 'carry-on luggage'.'
Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.
'It's carrion luggage.'