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"I'm just going to hook you up to the machine, so it will look like we're doing something for you."
Tags:nurse, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, hospital ward, hospital wards, ill, illness, in patient, in patients, modern technology, modern technologies, medical technology, medical technologies, doctor, doctors, md, mds, patient care, care standards, deceive, deceptive, trick, tricks, trickery, placebo, the placebo effect
'I don't need informed consent to give you a sponge bath.'
'$375 a day, and there's no mint under the pillows?'
A marionette in a full body cast
"It could be up to a week, but we do have loaners."
'Do you want the regular IV or fat-free?'
'The good news is that we can cure you. The bad news is the cure is worse than the disease.'
"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."
'If by 'recalcitrant' you mean 'dead'. you're correct.'
"C'mon, walk it off!"
Tags:md, mds, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, healthcare, health care, health-care, hospital, hospitals, hospital treatment, hospital treatments, patient, patients, patient care, hospital care, medicine, patient relations, broken bone, broken bones, tough love, ward, wards, hospital ward, hospital wards, medical treatment, medical treatments
Hospital rooms are named Kidneys, Livers and Onions.
'Just remember...first we tell them to believe in prevention. Then we tell them to believe in medicine. Then, prayer.'
'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'
'The good news is you'll be a real money-maker for us.'
Man in bed to hospital clown: 'It may surprise you to hear that, actually, morphine is the best medicine.'
'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'
Extreme Sports Injuries Dept.
"First day out of bed?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, recovery, recoveries, long recovery, long recoveries, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, hospital ward, hospital wards, walk, walks, walking, learn to walk, learning to walk, major accident, major accidents, hospital stay, hospital stays, long term recovery, long term recoveries, atrophy, atrophies, muscle atrophy
"I think you may have your gown on back to front."
'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'
Germs in a hospital ward.
'Nurse Jenkins the directive said show some COM-passion!'
'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'
"Great News Mr Wilkins...you'll still be able to play the harmonica."