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'For the 80th time, you cannot get rid of viruses by pouring bleach down the back of your computer!'
Books on Tapeworm
Tags:book on tape, books on tape, tapeworm, tapeworms, dog, dogs, parasite, parasites, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, infection, infections, infest, infests, infested, worm, worms, audiobook, audiobooks, audio book, audio books, symbiotic relationship, read, reads, reading, reader, readers, classic literature, american classic, american classics, moby dick
"You appear to have caught that bug that's been going around my waiting room."
Tags:flu, flues, influenza, cold, colds common cold, common colds, waiting room, waiting rooms, doctor appointment, doctor appointments, infection, infections, bug, bugs, interior, interiors, infectious disease, infectious diseases, hospital, hospitals, breeding ground, breeding grounds, petri dish, petri dishes
"It's either conjunctivitis or twin pools of desire."
Tags:conjunctivitis, pink eye, diagnosis, diagnoses, eye, eyes, eye doctor, eye doctors, optician, opticians, optometrist, optometrists, optometry, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, ophthalmology, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, infection, infections, poet, poets, poetry, pretty eyes, beautiful eyes, attractive, attraction, attractions, twin pools, desire, desires
"Please to meet you, though I'm sorry about the circumstances."
Tags:disease, diseases, infection, infections, illness, infectious disease, infectious diseases, get well soon, contamination, patient, patients, introduction, introductions, first meeting, first meetings, patient zero, isolation room, isolation rooms, deadly disease, deadly diseases, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals
To make office visits more fun, Dr. Slorm liked to deliver his diagnosis by playing charades.
The Day The Entire Kemple Family Had A Virus
'Wendell, I'm home! How's that sore throat, sweetie? Feeling better?'
'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'
"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."
"I spy London, I spy France...neither of which rhymes with 'yeast infection.'"
Tags:rhyme, rhymes, rhyming, yeast infection, gynecologist, gynecologists, gynecology, london, france, underpants, vaginal health, vagina, vaginas, unhealthy, infection, infections, disease, diseases, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bedside manner, impolite, polite, politeness, rude, rudeness, embarrass, embarrassing, embarrasses, compromising position, compromising positions, vulnerable, vulnerability
'It's just until the head lice problem at school clears up.'
Catch of the Day: Flu, Strep Throat, Cold, Hepatitis
Tags:catch of the day, catches of the day, contagious, contagion, cold, colds, catch a cold, catching a cold, strep, strep throat, flu, influenza, cold, colds, hepatitis, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, infection, infections, disease, diseases, bacteria, hygiene, doctor's office, doctor's offices, patient, patients, menu, menus, restaurant, restaurants
'I'm afraid you've contracted one of the more literal strains of human rhinovirus.'
Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'
'Don't touch the fishing rod.'
Scientist discover a new superbug
Tags:scientist, scientists, medical science, medical scientist, medical scientists, superbug, superbugs, super bug, super bugs, antibiotic resistant bacteria, antibiotic resistant bacterias, antibiotic resistant strain, antibiotic resistant strains, mrsa, infection, infections, superhero, superheroes
"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, drug, drugs, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, antibiotic, antibiotics, infection, infections, strategy, strategies, military, general, generals, officer, officers, troop, troops, war, wars, plan of attack, answer, answers
Flu pandemic precautions
'Well, you appear to be free of infection, but your colonoscopy video has gone viral.'
'While we realize it's difficult having a sick child at home, Mrs. Mote, we believe you sent Philip back a little soon.'
'You've got it. Don't flaunt it. You'll spread it.'
'Whaddya mean sneeze the other way? I only know one way to sneeze.'
'Poor work habits can be contagious, so we usually quarantine our new employees for a period of observation.'
'No, they're not for 3D TV, I've got Pink Eye.