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'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'
'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'
The Internet meets the Interwet.
'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'
'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'