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'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'
'If sixty is the new forty, thirty must be the new ten.'
'My ex husband's last heart attack.'
'You can tell her age by counting the rings.'
'Mary is visiting from Ames, Iowa and is responsible for all of the carbohydrates.'
Alexa and Siri girl talk.
'I never pause for reflection, it's always such a disappointment.'
'I keep making the same mistake over and over again, marrying for love.'
You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.
'In hindsight, I'd say never broach the subject of marriage on the Long Island Expressway.'
'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'