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'Is there a machine that's not in front of mirrors? I know what I look like...that's why I am here.'
"Guilty of flaunting it without having it. Sixty days."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, laws, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, defendant, defendants, defence, defense, client, clients, guilty, verdict, verdicts, sentence, sentencing, fashion, style, clothing, clothes, flaunting, show-off, show-offs, showing off, fashion crime, crime against fashion, fashion police, fashion don't, unattractive, fashion sense, personal style, personal appearance, gaudy, flashy, showy
"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."
Tags:exercise, fitness, health, bodybuilding, out of shape, out-of-shape, unhealthy, arnold schwarzenegger, actor, actors, bodybuilder, bodybuilders, sit-up, sit-ups, couch potato, couch potatoes, lazy, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, married life, marriage, marriages, husband, husbands, celeb, celebs, celebrity, celebrities, unattractive, attractiveness
"I don't go out with girls who won't eat things on menus."
"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."
"I'll be on the main drag, turning a few heads."
Tags:looker, lookers, stunner, stunners, stunning, attractive, attractiveness, outfit, outfits, head turner, head turners, turning heads, delusion, delusions, delusional, self-confident, self-confidence, confident, confidence, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, unattractive, overconfident, overconfidence, overweight, fat shame, fat shames
Cinderella and her Equally Attractive Stepsisters
Tags:cinderella, ugly stepsister, ugly stepsisters, fairy tales, fairytales, fairytale, childrens story, childrens stories, stepsister, stepsisters, step sister, step sisters, blended family, blended families, ugly, ugliness, unattractive, unattractiveness, beautiful, beauty, attractive, attractiveness, beauty standard, beauty standards
"I don't want to be alone when I'm old, either, so when we're old let's get back in touch."
Tags:partner, partners, life partner, life partners, spouse, spouses, husband, husbands, wife, wives, marriage material, attraction, unattractive, desire, desires, date, dates, bad date, bad dates, grow old, growing old, long-term relationships, frank, frankness, honest, honesty, date, dates, dating
"Are you starting to feel fabulous yet?"
Tags:fabulous, feeling, feelings, cocktail party, cocktail parties, unattractive, fabulous, sarcasm, out-of-place, stick out, sticking out, sore thumb, stand out, stands out, standing out, model, models, fashion model, fashion models, good looking, average looking, hollywood, unrealistic, beauty, beauty standard, beauty standards, exclude, excludes, exclusion, excluding, hipster, hipsters, middle age, middle-aged, average-looking
"I kept hoping the picture would get old and repulsive looking, instead of me, but it didn't work out that way."
Tags:grotesque, horror, dorian gray, oscar wilde, the picture of dorian gray, literature, classic, book, books, novel, novels, painting, paintings, art, portrait, portraits, self-portrait, self-portraits, aging, ageing, growing old, growing older, getting older, getting old, old age, old, elderly, old people, elderly people, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, ugly, loss of beauty, unattractive, wrinkles, grey hair, gray hair, decrepit, handsome, young, youth, beauty, attractive, unrealistic expectation, unrealistic expectations
"You were a schlub in all of your previous lives, too."
Tags:fortune-telling, fortunetelling, fortune, fortunes, fortune-teller, fortune-tellers, fortuneteller, fortunetellers, fortune teller, fortune tellers, psychic, psychics, client, clients, customer, customers, modern life, crystal ball, crystal balls, crystallomancy, crystal-gazing, scrying, vision, visions, divination, seer, seers, occult, supernatural, previous life, previous lives, reincarnation, religion, religious, schlub, schlubs, talentless, unattractive, socially awkward, clumsy, stupid, dumb, loser, losers, bad news
'You missed a great chili dinner at the club, Henson. Oh, by the way, the hot tub is broken.'
Ugly lifeguard sitting in a chair with a sign reading "No sexy lifeguard on duty."
Tags:beach, beaches, beach scene, beach scenes, seaside, seashore, lifeguard, lifeguards, lifeguarding, life-guarding, guarding, watching, safety, lifeguard stand, lifeguard stands, lifeguard chair, lifeguard chairs, lifeguard station, lifeguard stations, on duty, sign, signs, unattractive, ugly, beauty, handsome, good-looking, beautiful, stereotype, stereotypes, summer job, summer jobs
Ok, Mr. Lipshy... What about now? Better or worse?
"Trust me—sex sells."
Tags:sales technique, sales techniques, sales strategy, sales strategies, vendor, vendors, street vendor, street vendors, street cart, street carts, hot dog, hot dogs, hot dog cart, hot dog carts, street cart, street carts, entice, entices, enticing, unattractive, middle age, middle aged, unattractive, customer, customers, marketing, attracting customers, delusion, delusions, delusional, handsome
"Wilbur is consistently unpleasant-a sort of Dr. Hyde and Mr. Hyde."
"How would I rate on a scale of one to ten?"
The Swat Team of 15-L
Tags:parenting, parent, parents, family, nuclear family, swat, swat team, apartment life, apartment, apartment living, parenthood, family unit, terrible, terrible traits, trait, unattractive, unattractive traits, personality, personalities, skill, skills, skilled, special set of skills, team, teams, individual, individuals, unique, unique, talent, talents, talented, spoof, spoofs, parody, parodies, parodied, special ops, covert ops
'Oh, great... Big date tonight and I've got a zit on my nose.'
Tags:frankenstein, frankensteins monster, monster, monsters, creature, creatures, beauty, handsome, vain, zit, zits, spot, spots, pimple, pimples, date, dates, looks, looking, looker, lookers, looked, good looking, ugly, problems, unattractive, attractive, story, stories, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
Burt rarely went on a first date without his cellulite detector,
Milt had a friend video all of his dates so he could see where he screwed up.
"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."
Tags:man bun, man buns, annoying, annoyance, annoyances, hairstyle, hairstyles, trend, trends, trendy, hipster, hipsters, ironic, irony, barber, barbers, barbershop, barbershops, ugly, unattractive, any means necessary, emergency, emergencies, faux pas, fashion faux pas, stylist, stylists, beauty, beauty salon, beauty salons, haircut, haircuts, cut, cuts, cutting
"I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking."
"You figure it. We're not gay, we don't use drugs, and we still got it."
Tags:single, single life, bachelor, bachelors, bachelor pad, bachelor pads, lonely, loneliness, mystery, mysteries, complain, complains, complaining, complaint, complaints, whine, whines, whining, moans, moaning, unattractive, trapped, roommate, roommates, roomie, roomies, lab rat, lab rats, rat, rats