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"I'd like you to have a CAT scan."
"And you say you've been erect for over 4 hours?"
Tags:snowmen, snowman, snow figure, snow figures, snow person, snow people, snow-person, snow-people, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, physical, physicals, medical test, medical tests, medical exam, medical exams, winter, wintertime, winter-time, winters
'I didn't mean a p-e-a sample.'
Hospital chart 'GTACT...'
'The nurse wanted you to pee in THIS type of cup.'
"I'm afraid it's your body, Mr. Haskins."
'I haven't got all your results back from the labs, but an initial 'off the cuff' diagnosis would be that you're a 'heart attack waiting to happen.'
'In this case, a new high score is not a good thing.'
'I have your MRI results. Half your brain is clogged with passwords and the other half is clogged with user names.'
"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, test, tests, testing, stress test, stress tests, bloodwork, blood work, sample, samples, blood, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, result, results, medical testing, medical test, medical tests, stressful, wait, waits, waiting, wait time, wait times, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence, call, calls, calling, modern life
"Our records show that you haven't subjected yourself to any costly, useless tests in quite some time."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, doctors office, medical test, medical tests, pointless medical test, pointless medical tests, medical exam, medical exams, medical bill, medical bills, doctors bill, doctors bills, healthcare system, health care systems, flawed healthcare system, medical expenses, medical expenses
"It is thornlike in appearance, but I need to order a battery of tests."
'Your tests indicate unusually high levels of copper,zinc and nickel...'
Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.
"These test results reveal that you're not 100% cowboy."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical exam, medical exams, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, doctors office, medical test, medical tests, test results, test results, result, results, cowboy, cowboys, 100% cowboy, one hundred percent cowboy, song, songs, song lyric, song lyrics, singer, singers, country and western, music
'I was such a good student that I skipped a year in medical school - but that's why I never learned about kidneys.'
"Your cholesterol is too high. How often do you have eggs?"
'Off hand, I'd say you're suffering from an arrow through your head, but just to play it safe, I'm ordering a bunch of tests.'
"I'm confident he'll pull through. The tests show there is plenty of fight left in him."
"You can never run too many bone marrow tests."
Tags:anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, dog, dogs, canine, canines, talking dog, dog doctor, canine doctor, animals, animal, talking animal, talking animals, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bones, bone, bone marrow, medical test, medical tests, medicine, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, health insurance, national health, patient, patients, hospital bills, medical bill, medical bills, health
First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.
'It's a generic disease, so Ill give you some generic drugs.'
'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'
"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, test, tests, testing, medical test, medical tests, medical testing, examination, examinations, ethic, ethics, cover, bad doctor, bad doctors, questionable, suspicious, bad sign, bad signs