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"'Slow and steady wins the race.' What's yours say?"
Tags:hare and tortoise, the hare and the tortoise, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, aesops fables, aesop's fables, advice, good advice, life advice, coincidence, coincidences, oblivious, obliviousness, slow and steady, slow and steady wins the race, childrens story, children's story, moral message, too late, hopeless, chinese food, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurants
"The little pig with the portfolio of straw and the little pig with the portfolio of sticks were swallowed up, but the little pig with the portfolio of bricks withstood the dip in the market."
Tags:three little pigs, children's story, children's stories, portfolio, portfolios, stock market, stocks, diversified, market dip, market dips, recession, recessions, childrens story, childrens stories, savings, savings account, savings accounts, bonds, stocks and bonds, retirement savings, fable, fables
"It's from Mr. McGregor. He's now willing to submit to binding arbitration."
Gingerbread man escaping.
Tags:gingerbread man, gingerbread men, the gingerbread man, doorman, doormen, fairy story, fairy stories, fairy tale, fairy tales, taxi, taxis, cab, cabs, calling a taxi, calling a cab, escape, escapes, escaping, runaway, runaways, running away, childrens story, children's story, childrens stories, children's stories, door man, door men
Mother Goose's Haiku
An owl searches for a pussycat.
...and this Little Piggy's house was built with Bill Barr and Mitch McConnell
Tags:trump, donald trump, president trump, president donald trump, little piggy, this little piggy, pig, pigs, three little pigs, fables, fable, childrens story, childrens stories, big bad wolf, house of straw, house of sticks, bill barr, william barr, barr, mitch mcconnell, mcconnell, gop, republican politician, republican politicians, trump supportors, trump allies, trump defenders
Princess and the Pea, Revisited
(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"
Tags:chef, chefs, king, kings, royal, royalty, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, food, pie, pies, baking, baked, cook, cooking, crown, crowns, prank, trick, pranks, joke, jokes, tricked, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, birds, black bird, bird, sing a song of sixpence, mother goose, story, stories, childrens story, childrens stories, song, songs, sing along, rhyme, rhymes, classic
"So then Mr. Brewster, who was a cost analyst for an advertising agency, drove his car all the way from Westport, Connecticut, to New York City!"
Tags:rabbit, rabbits, bunny, bunnies, children's book, children's books, childrens story, childrens book, childrens books, children's story, children's stories, new york, new york city, reversal, reversals, reversing, perspective, perspectives, perspective switch, commute, commutes, commuting, connecticut, everyday life, everyday lives, children's lit, children's literature
Aladdin's Cave of Wonder
"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"
Tags:puppet, puppets, woodsheds, woodshed, reynolds unwrapped, pinocchio, fairytale, fairytales, fairy story, fairy stories, fairy tale, fairy tales, children's story, children's literature, childrens literature, childrens story, firewood, fire wood, fire-wood, winter, winters, fuel, fuels, wintertime, winter time, winter-time
'But I still feel like an ugly duckling.'
Tags:ugly duckling, ugly ducklings, swan, swans, lingering doubt, lingering doubts, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, doubt, doubts, shrink, shrinks, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, therapy, therapist, therapists, ugly duckling, ugly ducklings, fable, fables, children's story, childrens story, children's stories, childrens stories
Jacques et Jille
Goldilocks, the later years
Tags:goldilocks, three bears, fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, children's story, childrens story, children's stories, childrens stories, porridge, pensioner, pensioners, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, oaps, later years, whine, whining, complain, complaining, complainer, complainers, whines, whiner, whiners, grump, grumps, grumpy, grumpiness
"You killed him!"
"No, having your gingerbread house eaten by kids isn't covered."
'What if I told you I'm a billionaire golf pro?'
Mother reading 'the ugly duckling' to child, who asks 'What about botox?'
Jack and Jennifer
Tags:jack and jill, girlfriend, girlfriends, new girlfriend, new girlfriends, innocent, innocence, pail of water, pails of water, up a hill, first time, first times, lie, lies, lying, liar, liars, virgin, virgins, virginity, feign, feigns, feigning, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, children's story, children's stories, childrens story, childrens stories, white lie, white lies
"Old Jack Frost nipping at your nose, eh?"
Tags:jack frost, winter, snow, old sayings, wind, windy, cold, ice, icy, snowing, snowed, winter wonderland, frost, frosty, christmas, winter spirit, winter spirits, king winter, blizzard, blizzards, weather, storm, winter storm, childrens story, imagine, imagination, imaginary, weather forecast, freeze, freezing, frozen, chill, chills, chilly, chilled
"And I always thought it was out in the woods someplace."
The princess and the watermelon.
Tags:princess and the pea, fairy tale, fairy tales, bedtime story, bedtime stories, picky, complaint, complaints, complaining, fable, fables, childrens story, childrens stories, children's story, children's stories, mattress, mattresses, discomfort, cushion, cushions, cushioning, watermelon, watermelons
Tags:old lady who lived in a shoe, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, rhyming, mother goose, children's story, children's stories, childrens story, childrens stories, prequel, prequels, explanation, explanations, origin story, origin stories, marry down, marrying down, upper class, lower class, working class, slob, slobs, marry, marries, marrying
His name was actually Larry, but by the time she started guessing random nonsense like 'Rumplestiltskin' he got bored and told her she was right.