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"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"
Tags:burglar, burglars, burglary, burglaries, robber, robbers, robbery, robberies, home invasion, home invasions, thief, thieves, theft, thefts, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, materialism, materialistic, worldly, consumerism, consumerist, consumerists, personal possession, personal possessions, home improvement, marie kondo, kondo method, konmari method, tidy, tidies, tidying up, clean up, cleans up, cleaning up
"Artie, they took my bowl."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners, personification, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, crime, crimes, burglary, burglaries, robbery, robberies, home invasion, home invasions, mess, messy, tied, tied up, bound, rope, ropes, bowl, bowls, dog bowl, dog bowls, food bowl, food bowls, dish, dishes, dog dish, dog dishes, food dish, food dishes, priorities, priority, guard dog, guard dogs, useless, bad guard dog, bad guard dogs, useless guard dog, useless guard dogs, security, home security
"Hey, sorry to call you guys this late on a weeknight, but I just happened to be in your basement."
"You're stealing the blanket."
"I didn't hear anything."
'It's just until we get the lock fixed.'
"We were just headed to work. Can I call you back?"
Tags:career, career path, career paths, thief, thieves, burglar, burglars, robber, robbers, home invasion, home invasions, robbery, robberies, burglary, burglaries, criminal, criminals, inconvenient timing, bad time, bad times, phone, phones, phone call, phone calls, return a call, returning a call, morning commute, morning commutes, commute, commutes, going to work, heading to work, headed to work, headed to the office
While you were out
Tags:robbed, robber, robbers, steal, stealing, stolen, stole, note, notes, leaving a note, memo, memos, break in, broken into, raided, raid, forced entry, house, home from work, apartment, apartments, flat, flats, studios, studio, home invasion, moving out, moved out, move out, surprise, surprised, cleared out, calling card, calling cards
Man in the Ceiling
"The are nice etchings, aren't they?"
"Your equity or your life."
"We're from the Department of Homeland Security. You left your damn door unlocked."
'Hello? Police? Yes, there's someone sleeping in my bed. Please hurry.'
"We weren't pleased with our previous system."
Tags:goldilocks, goldilocks and the three bears, fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, children's story, children's stories, children's literature, childrens literature, security system, security systems, home security, home invasion, home invader, home invaders
"Please hurry - I don't know how long my cat can keep him subdued."
"Call it excessive if you like, but none of our guests have ever pinched anything..."
'Oh no! We've been Bruegeled!'
"There you go kid. If you have a monster he can't get out now."
"Hello, I'm conducting a survey on privacy."
"Before we commit to any course of action I think we should remember that we'd be protecting the very people who made the decision to remove our testicles."
Robber peers into a giant padlock.
Tags:robber, robbers, robbery, burglar, burglars, burglary, burgle, burgles, padlock, padlocks, padlocked, break-in, break-ins, breaking in, break in, break ins, security, home security, secure, secures, securing, home invasion, home invasions, home security, home security system, home security systems
"The noise has stopped. Did you sort it out?"
Tags:strange noise, strange noises, weird noise, weird noises, gun, home invasion, home invasions, robbery, robberies, gun, guns, home protection, protect, protects, protecting, 2nd amendment, 2nd amendment right, 2nd amendment rights, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, home invader, home invaders
'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'
'Good evening. I'm Scotty, the loss prevention specialist.'
"My New Years resolution was to think before barking, which gave the burglars plenty of time to clobber me and clean out the house."
Tags:bark, barks, barking, dog, dogs, canine, canines, pet, pets, pet dog, pet dogs, guard dog, guard dogs, new year, new years, new year's, new years', resolution, resolutions, promise, promises, canine behaviour, canine behavior, dog behaviour, dog behavior, burglar, burglars, burglary, home invasion, house invasion