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'It's Artie from Accounting. Apparently he was trying to cover his rear, watch his back, bury his head in the sand and balance the books, when something just SNAPPED!'
'That? Well, it's a solid Lucite paperweight containing your immediate predecessor, compliments of the executive management team. It's just our way of saying 'Welcome Aboard!''
"Listen, kid...the tooth business is about volume, so I took them all."