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'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team,,,'
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo...
Fairytale procurement disasters
"When I hired you to improve our procurement process I was expecting more than go faster stripes on the strategy document!"
Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.
'Hunting and Gathering will now be downsized and consolidated into General Procurement.'
Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day
'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'
'I absolutely refuse to sign anything which requires a microscope and a stepladder to read it!'
"I'm starting to see that you and I have a different understanding of the term 'green procurement' Briggs..."
'Normally we just come up with some ludicrously high figure depending on how deep we think your pockets are, then we offer you a huge 'discount' to bring it down to about twice what we actually need.'
"I have decided to change your title from Procurement Director to Director of Buying Things."
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"For the past six months we have discussed and agreed on our requirements, and chosen our route to market. Two weeks before we start the tender process I thought it would be nice to invite the Head of Procurement in so he can finish it all off for us..."
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"This is when we will involve Procurement so they can do the boring stuff for us..."
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"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"
Tags:procurement, purchasing, office, shopping, trolley, cart, ceo, procurement office, procurement officer, procurement officers, cpo, acquisition, acquisition program, chief executive officer, ignorant, misunderstanding, contracting, purchase, purchasing, chief procurement officer, business, commerce, employee, employees, boss, bosses, manager, managers, understanding, workplace, office, corporate, executive, procurement clerk
The origin of the phrase 'staff cuts'.
'Please tell me these are NOT the outcome of the e-procurement for the new signs contract!'
'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'
Scouting for bank acquisitions.
'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''
'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times. I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''
The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.
"That isn't MY definition of contract segmentation..."