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"Where did we go wrong, Mother? Where did we go wrong?"
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, saint nick, st. nicholas, saint nicholas, christmas, xmas, yule, noel, mrs. claus, mother christmas, santa's wife, elf, elves, santa's workshop, the north pole, weapon, weapons, arms, bomb, bombs, nuclear weapon, nuclear weapons, tank, tanks, gun, guns, firearm, firearms, war, wars, conflict, conflict, violence, military, militarisation, militarization, arms race, armaments, modern life
"Not 'Miracle on 34th Street' again?"
Tags:christmas, xmas, noel, yule, santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, st. nicholas, mrs. claus, santa's wife, elf, elves, santa's helper, santa's helpers, television, televisions, watching television, tv, tvs, watching tv, t.v., t.v.s, watching t.v., movies, movie, film, films, christmas movie, christmas movies, christmas film, christmas films, seasonal, crying, teary-eyed, sad, sad movie, sad movies, sad film, sad films, again, same film, same movie
"The freezer's almost empty, so be sure to bring back more bad boys and girls than you did last year!"
Tags:santa, santa claus, mr claus, father christmas, christmas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, saint nicholas, st. nick, st nick, saint nick, holiday, holidays, mrs claus, mrs. claus, naughty list, murder, murderer, murderers, kill, killed, killer, killers, bad kid, bad kids, bad child, bad children, nightmare, nightmares, freeze, freezer
"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."
Tags:santa, santa claus, mrs. claus, sleigh, sleighs, santa's sleigh, santa's sledge, sledge, sledges, sled, sleds, santa's sled, animal, animals, reindeer, elf, elves, santa's elves, helper, helpers, christmas, yule, noel, xmas, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, fox, foxes, goat, goats, cow, cows, chicken, chickens, sheep, pig, pigs, business, businesses, company, companies, employer, employers, employee, employees, management, manager, mangers, government, politics, politically correct, correct, equal, equality, equal-opportunity, equal-opportunity employer, equal-opportunity employers, equal opportunity, equal opportunity employer, equal opportunity employers, assortment, assortments, affirmative action, discrimination, prejudice, positive action, employment equity
"You've been Santa for a thousand years. Let Idris Elba have a chance."
The personal assistant of Mrs. Claus. The worst job at the North Pole?
Tags:personal assistant, personal assistants, pa, pas, secretary, secretaries, assistant, assistants, elf, elves, mrs claus, mrs. claus, regret, regrets, career change, career changes, career path, career paths, lingerie, underwear, underclothes, lingeries, north pole, job satisfaction, job dissatisfaction
"The media says there's a war on Christmas, and St. Nick isn't in the business of losing wars."
Tags:christmas, xmas, yule, noel, santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, st. nicholas, mrs. claus, animal, animals, reindeer, rudolph, war on christmas, politics, political correctness, secularisation, secularization, media, business, war, wars, fight, fights, fighting, holiday, holidays, weapon, weapons, gun, guns, firearm, firearms, gun violence, armour, armor, body armour, body armor, bullet-proof vest, bulletproof vest, bullet-proof vests, bulletproof vests, protective gear, protective equipment, safety gear, safety equipment, riot gear, shield, shields, helmet, helmets, armed, sword, swords, getting ready, preparing, preparing for war, preparing for battle, conspiracy theory, conspiracy theories
"I just pray to God that none of those poor, dear, innocent children ever see you when you get like this!"
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, saint nick, st. nicholas, saint nicholas, christmas, xmas, yule, noel, mrs. claus, mother christmas, santa's wife, santa's workshop, the north pole, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, liquor, booze, beer, beers, cans of beer, alcohol abuse, alcohol addiction, drunk, drunks, inebriated, intoxicated, mental health, bad role model, bad example
"According to the DNA sample sent to 23andMe, you're 51% Scandinavian, 35% German, 14% British, and the father of 1,253 'Little Helpers'."
Tags:dna sample, dna samples, dna test, dna tests, dna testing, little helper, little helpers, elf, elves, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, st nick, st. nick, festive period, parenthood, affair, affairs, north pole, mrs claus, mrs. claus, santa, adulterer, adulterers
"You're gonna be happy to learn your husband's annual overnight disappearances have a perfectly innocent explanation, Mrs. Claus."
Tags:disappearance, disappearances, private eye, private eyes, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters, affair, affairs, adulterer, adulterers, private detective, private detectives, private dick, private dicks, overnight stay, overnight stays, santa claus, father christmas, mrs. claus, north pole, north poles, suspicious, suspiciousness, suspicion, suspicions, innocent explanation, innocent explanations
"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."
Tags:feminism, feminist, feminists, santa, saint nick, saint nicholas, st nick, st. nick, st nicholas, st. nicholas, festive period, mrs santa claus, mrs claus, sexist, sexists, husband, husbands, wife, wives, santa claus, mrs. claus, mrs. santa claus, christmas, gender issue, gender issues, gender role, gender roles
"I'm Mrs. Claus and, at this time of the year, it's the only way I can talk to him."
"Isn't it about time you tell people they have to pay for this stuff and they're going crazy into debt!?"
"And where have you been all night?"
"You only work 1 day a year. You can't call in sick!"
"He gets Christmas gifts for everyone in the world, but forgets Mrs. Claus."
Tags:marriage counselor, marriage counselors, marriage counsellor, marriage counsellors, mrs claus, mrs. claus, santa, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, st nick, st. nick, wife, wives, husband, husbands, married life, married couple, married couples, marital problem, marital problems, relationship counselor, relationship counselors, relationship counsellor, relationship counsellors, gift, gifts, present, presents, absent minded, absent-minded, absent mindedness, absent-mindedness
"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"
"I suppose you plan to spend another year just sitting around the house..."
"It's your turn to walk him!"
"I thought you only came once a year."
"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"
"He cares what everyone wants for Christmas except me!"
"He won't do a thing now till next December."
"If the wine is for a gift, why isn't it wrapped?"
Tags:santa, santa claus, mrs. claus, christmas, christmas presents, wine, wines, wine gifts, wine presents, wine drinking, wine drinkers, wine tasting, drink driver, drink drivers, drink driving, saint nick, st nick, st. nick, saint nicholas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, christmas eve, xmas eve, suspicious, suspicion, suspicions, wife, wives, husband, husbands, nag, nags, nagging
"Well, if you want it hand washed in cold water and hung up to dry, you can jolly well do it yourself!"
Tags:hand wash, hand washing, handwashed, laundry, laundries, chore, chores, household chore, household chores, father christmas, saint nick, st nick, st. nick, saint nicholas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, festive period, festive season, fussy, mrs claus, mrs. claus, gender role, gender roles, washing instructions, wash instruction, wash instructions