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'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'
'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'
Dog Training For The Ninties
"This is where you'll be working. Don't worry if it's confusing at first, you'll have training."
"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."
"As receptionist, you'll be answering the phone, greeting customers and doing whatever else they dump on you."
"I'll be right back. If you need anything just yell."
"He's training to start door to door campaigning!"
"More ruddy training. . . As if I haven't got enough to do!"
Tags:bureaucracy, bureaucracies, bureaucrat, bureaucrats, paper pusher, paper pushers, paper-pusher, paper-pushers, job skill, job skills, job training, on the job training, skill set, skill sets, workload, workloads, overworked, overwork, overworks, leadership skills, management skill, management skills, management training, manager training, extra training
"The government believes that the benefit system is out of hand!"
Caution! Flagman training next 10 miles...stop, stop, stop...
'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'
"I'm sending you to a job hunting seminar. Trust me when I say you're going to need it."
Tags:unemployment, unemployed, lay off, lay offs, lay-off, lay-offs, laid off, sack, sacks, sacked, sacking, fire, fires, firing, fired, redundancy, redundancies, job hunting, job hunter, job hunters, job seeker, job seekers, job seeking, workshop, workshops, seminar, seminars, job training, skill, skills
"I think my 5 years of astronaut training might have been a bit of a waste."
"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''
Tags:christmas, christmases, xmas, xmases, festive period, festive season, festive spirit, santa, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st nick, st nicholas, st. nick, st. nicholas, ho ho ho, training, job training, training session, training sessions, job tip, job tips, mentor, mentors, mentoring
"Actually, we're looking for someone who can start right away."
"Look at it this way...one bad job can give you all the experience you'll ever need."
Tags:bad job, bad jobs, silver lining, silver linings, optimism, optimistic, quit, quits, quitting, fire, fired, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, corporate layoffs, laid off, new job, new jobs, clean out your desk, cleaning out your desk, job experience, job training, career, careers, career mistake, career mistakes, move on, moves on, moving on, better things
'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'
Time to try something new.
'The elevator's not rising fast enough.'
'I'd like you meet Toby. Toby is doing a gap year with us before going to Cambridge.'
The destiny of untrained seals.
'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'
I think he's saying that after losing his job, he was retrained as a street mime.