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Sign on a liquor shop decorated for Christmas that reads "Give the gift of alcohol".
"This year, we just decided to give money to ourselves."
"Romeo! A diamond bracelet? A pearl necklace? Flowers? And...and...wherefore art my @*%&^% chocolates?"
"Where to buddy...?" "Everywhere, and step on it!!"
"Hey! I thought we agreed to keep them under 20 bucks!"
Everyone in the family hates their ugly sweater except grandma.
"'It's the thought that counts' means think about the guy who has to carry the refrigerator down the chimney!"
"Birthday gifts are so difficult unless you know someone's tastes..."
Other Patron Saints of Christmas
"It's our son's Christmas list."
"Gracie, Christmas isn't about material possessions. It's about being together...as a family. We are the best gift we can give each other!"
When you buy Abuelita Zoraida a coffee press...you're really giving her...a nice pot."
'where do you plug it in?'
"Every year I get the same thing for Christmas."
"Oh, it's lovely - I have the perfect drawer for it."