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"Well you can't possibly be expected to perform as lead dancer with the Bolshoi Ballet with a bad back...have a note for three months and see how you feel."
A convenient attack of swine flu...
"Get your lunchbox, you're going!"
"You really don't want to eat me: I have a medical certificate that says I'm very ill and contagious!"
'I'm going to be sick on Monday. I'm telling you now so I don't have to call in.'
This plant is a lousy malingerer!