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"I hope it doesn't make you nervous to have me watch you."
"I think Dad is the reason Mom never married."
Tags:dad, dads, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, kid, kids, lazy, family life, family-life, couch potato, couch potatoes, couch-potato, couch-potatoes, slob, slobs, slobbery, married life, married couple, married couples, off putting, off-putting, commitment issue, commitment issues, gender politics, husband, husbands, wife, wives
'He's doing it again - chewing his cud while I'm trying to putt!'
Tags:golf, golfing, golfs, golfer, golfers, bull, bulls, cow, cows, ruminant, ruminants, cud, chew, chewing, chews, off putting, putting off, putt, putting, putts, putted, putter, putters, hole, holes, golf ball, chewing his cud, sick, digestion, digesting, food, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
The Lone Ranger receives a disconcerting smoke signal from Tonto....
"We tried a vegan Thanksgiving this year, but our family still showed up."
Tags:vegan, vegans, vegan food, veganism, alternative lifestyle, alternative lifestyles, thanksgiving, thanksgivings, thanksgiving dinner, thanksgiving dinners, thanksgiving meal, thanksgiving meals, family life, extended family, extended families, putting people off, off putting, family dispute, family disputes, family fight, family fights, dietary needs, foodie, foodies, dietary requirements
"Would you like an earnest tone with your lentils?"
'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'
"Sorry it took so long. I'm the only one without hepatitis."
Tags:hepatitis, hepatitis b, infection, infections, disease, diseases, contagion, contagions, contagious, contagious disease, contagious diseases, waiter, waiters, server, servers, restaurant staff, food hygiene, health and safety, health & safety, food safety, staff illness, staff illnesses, infectious disease, infectious diseases, food poisoning, chef, chefs, off-putting, unappetizing, unappetising, off putting, bodily fluids
Tags:laptop, laptops, computer, computers, pc, pcs, modern tech, modern technology, modern technologies, modern life, user friendly, user-friendly, operating system, operating systems, monster, monsters, dangerous, aggressive, put off, put-off, off putting, ageing, luddite, luddites, out of touch, behind the times
"But I'm originally from Connecticut."
'I found this keeps people from wanting to talk politics around me.'
"That's a misspelling. The rabbit is 'seared' not 'scared'."
Tags:eating out, dining out, restaurant, menu, menus, rabbit, eating rabbit, vegetarianism, vegetarian, vegetarians, misspelling, misspellings, animal rights, rare meat, seared rabbit, seared meat, put off, put-off, off putting, food prep, meat prep, food preparation, meat preparation, misunderstanding, misunderstandings
'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'
"My Mum will be down in a minute, she is just looking for her teeth."
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 'And when you get to heaven, all your old relatives will be waiting to see you again...ALL of them.'
'Tonight you will be enjoying Howard, a happily raised free range chicken slaughtered no ten miles from here. He is accompanied by his wife, Lily, who ironically sautes opposite your own wife.'
Sale! Chicken VENTS $1.49: 'Because if we called 'em that, nobody would buy them!'
Fish Waiter at the Fish 'n Chips Restaurant.
'It's a Surgeon-General's warning.'
'Stop grunting you're putting me off!'
"I'm sorry, but I can't hear you over the smell of your breath."
Woman disgusted by a pose of chessy flowers offered by man
'Looks like the fish are ready to go on a feeding frenzy.'
"Mike, are you sure you want to eat here? There's something funny about this place."
All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.