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"Now, if I could just conquer my fear of spiders..."
"Hail, Caesar! The barbarians have been beaten back, and Rome is still Numero Uno."
"I feel kind of responsible. When the General said he wanted to cross the Alps and march to Rome I just laughed and said, 'That's a long trip. I guess we better pack along some trunks.'"
'Yeah, yeah, hail Caesar ... listen, I got a meeting on the Third Hill at nine. what are my coffee options?'
After this incident the Roman Army decided to stop admitting women.
The Roman Army.
'We're having some problems with your shield design...'
'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'
"Guys, hey guys. The general changed his mind. He says he wants it done in cursive!"