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'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'
How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'
'Looks like I was wrong. Apparently I can have more loathing for this era...'
" 'Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin'? What kind of cookie is this?"
Tags:fortune cookie, fortune cookies, babylon, babylonian, king, kings, mene mene tekel upharsin, prophecy, prophecies, omen, omens, warning, warnings, warning from god, warnings from god, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurant, rich, riches, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemous, fortune, fortunes, prediction, predictions, curse, curses, old testament, torah, belshazzar's feast, writing on the wall, daniel, arrogant, arrogance, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, cookie, cookies, dessert, desserts, humility, humble, humbles, god, jehovah
"I'm going to need to speak to someone from either personnel or maintenance."
"Beware the Ides of March." "Dude, it's April."
"Verily I say unto you that the wife is good, but the mother-in-law..."
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurants, food, chinese food, chinese cuisine, meal, meals, eating, dining, eating out, dining out, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, fortune, fortunes, misfortune, luck, bad luck, paper fortune, paper fortunes, future, prediction, predictions, prophecy, prophecies, pessimistic, dire, dark, death, fortunetelling, fortune-telling, threat, threats, threatening, foreboding, superstition
"No, a question period will not follow!"
Tags:sermon, sermons, jesus, sermon on the mount, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, ministry, prophet, prophets, prophecy, prophecies, worship, worships, question session, questions sessions, q&a, q & a, question and answer session, question, questions, theology, theologian, theologians, religious debate, religious debates, religious belief, religious beliefs
Moses holds a 1040 form.
Tags:1040, 1040s, tax return, tax returns, tax form, tax forms, file, files, filing, filing taxes, tax season, tax seasons, mid-april, accountant, accountants, accounting, death and taxes, 10 commandments, decalogue, moses, prophet, prophets, prophecy, pay taxes, paying taxes, income tax, income taxes, bible story, bible stories
"Use a five iron!"
'Aha! The fine print says, 'or in five million years'!'
While dreaming, Beethoven sees the future and loses hope,
'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'
Fortune teller singes man's forehead.
Tags:magic, fortune teller, fortune tellers, seer, seers, magnification, fire, fires, magic power, magic powers, soothsayer, soothsayers, superstition, visual joke, visual jokes, visual gag, visual gags, convex lens, convex lenses, light concentration, crystal ball, crystal balls, self fulfilling prophecy, prophecy, prophecies
The End Is Near.
'The world ends tomorrow. Eat up!'
The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.
"It says, 'There are people waiting for your table.' "
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, eating out, dining out, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurants, chinese food, food, meal, meals, dining, eating, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, fortune, fortunes, paper fortune, paper fortunes, wait, waiting, table, tables, taking up space, table hog, table hogs, table hogging, overstaying your welcome, slow eater, slow eaters, rude, rude customer, rude customers, long wait, future, prophecy, prophecies, prediction, predictions, accurate
Man puts no credit sign in window as crackpot carrying the world ends tomorrow sign passes
"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"
Tags:moses, burning bush, burning bushes, miracle, miracles, bible, bible story, bible stories, torah, prophet, prophets, prophecy, prophecies, drama queen, drama queens, dramatic, dramatics, gesture, gestures, showy, overly dramatic, lord, god, god the father, over-the-top, showy, show-off, show-offs
A turkey on a turkey farm holding a sign saying "The world will end Nov. 27".
Tags:thanksgiving, thanksgiving day, thanksgiving dinner, thanksgiving dinners, thanksgiving meal, thanksgiving meals, thanksgiving turkey, thanksgiving turkeys, thanksgiving holidays, animal, animals, bird, birds, turkey, turkeys, turkey farm, turkey farms, november 27th, november 27, sign, signs, warn, warning, warnings, the world will end, end of the world, the end is near, world's end, conspiracy theorist, conspiracy theorists, conspiracy theory, conspiracy theories, religion, religious, death, prophet, prophets, prediction, predictions, prophecy, prophecies, slaughter, murder, killing, problem, problems
"It says, 'Someday you will die.'"
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurants, food, meal, meals, eating, dining, chinese food, eating out, dining out, end of the meal, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, fortune, fortunes, luck, paper fortune, paper fortunes, reading fortunes, future, prediction, predictions, prophecy, prophecies, accurate, realistic, bad luck, pessimistic, dire, dark, death, die, fortunetelling, fortune-telling
'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'