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"When did you get back from sabbatical?"
'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'
'Thanks for coming back on such short notice,Jenkins.'
'Enough about your furlough, don't you want to hear about my furlough?'
"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."
'Thank you for calling the State Unemployment office. All of our operators have been furloughed. Please call back next month.'
'I gave them shared parental leave and they left me holding the baby!'
'I hope you're aware of the impact this has had on our staff absenteeism record!'
'I'm all for shared parenting but I suspect you're milking this Brigson.'
'You can't have the day off, but you can re-enact he wedding in your own time.'
'I was an ardent Royalist until I found out that we're only entitled to unpaid leave.'
'And as a committed Royalist you'd be witnessing this historic event at Westminster Abbey.... or the King's Head.'
"I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead."