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'It was an early-retirement offer I couldn't turn down. They threw a pile of money my way, asked me to disappear in a puff of smoke, and before they could change their minds, I was gone!'
'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement.'
'The fact that you've aged 10 years in the last 6 months isn't accelerated depreciation, it's accelerated decrepidation.'
'And this last chart illustrates why none of you are here anymore. Questions?'
'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'
Dave talks about the life as a Paramedic...
'He quickly became irreplaceable when we saw the size of his severance package.'
'No golden parachute, but our severence package includes witness protection.'
'And, lastly, I'd like to thank Chuck for his years of service. He'll be leaving the company next month to spend more time with his cash and cash equivalents.'
"It's been 300 years. I think I'm read to retire."
'Sorry, you don't qualify for the early retirement package. You're too old.'
'Don't worry, Mary, the first 30 years of practicing law are the hardest.'
'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'
"Ever since he saw the new budget he's been obsessing over the numbers."
"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."
"The Good news is that a number of GPs have agreed to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues including high levels of stress, long working hours..."
"They said you retired early. I thought they meant from working here."
Tags:early retirement, early retirements, retirement plan, retirement plans, retiring, sleeping, camping out, workaholic, workaholics, work addict, work addicts, sleeping at your desk, ageism, forced retirement, office, camping, office camping, long hours, break time, nap time, sleep, insomnia, sleep disorders
"When I retired they gave me a gold watch. It stopped working when I did."
"You're over 50. While we appreciate your past contributions, we need to put them behind us and move on."
Tags:ageism, ageist, ageists, age discrimination, getting older, aging, ageing, loyalty, early retirement, early retirements, obsolete, forced out of a job, new management, millennials, secession, succession planning, out to pasture, management, track record, contributions, moving on, forced retirement, forced retirements, office politics, boom to bust, handing over the reins
"So I take it my plans to retire on 75% salary at 55 may need looking at again?"
"It was a golden age, a time of optimism and hope for the future, an age of enthusiasm and excitement...anything was possible!"
"Since the downturn we've ever had bankers switch careers and come to work for us."
"Just how early can I take early retirement?"
Tags:early retirement, early retirements, retirement plan, retirement plans, kid, kids, student, students, homework, homework project, homework projects, homework assignment, homework assignments, retirement, retirements, retirement age, retirement ages, school, schools, schooling, school work, schoolwork
'Ever since he saw the new budget he's been obsessing over the numbers.'
'The action they're taking is early retirement.'