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Self-Help Books For The Newly Dead
Heaven - with Children
"Ah! Here you are - over on the s**t list."
"We design them here, but the labor is cheaper in Hell."
Tags:heaven, heavens, wing, wings, angel, angels, design, manufacture, manufacturing, manufactured, manufactures, labour, labor, cheap, cheaper, exploitation, worker, workers, capitalism, capitalist, exploitation, exploiting, race to the bottom, race-to-the-bottom, religion, religious, christianity, christains, eternal life, saint, saints, economic, economics, labor economics, labour economics, economist, economists
Annuals - Perennials - Eternals
'I can't get the childproof cap off.'
Because of his inability to adapt to an eternity of torment, Jake was eventually kicked out of hell.
Tags:hell, hades, afterlife, afterlives, eternity, adapt, adapts, adapting, torment, tormented, torture, tortured, tortures, unable to adapt, inability to adapt, eternal life, eternal torment, soft drink, soft drinks, lemonade stand, lemonade stands, refreshing beverage, refreshing beverages, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, entrepreneurship
"Oh, eternal life is fine, but what I really like is getting to wear flip-flops all the time."
'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'
The Bourne Eternity
Tags:oh my god that's jason bourne, meme, heaven, heavenly, heavens, god, gods, angel, angels, afterlife, life after death, after life, same old same old, on the run, bourne, thriller, thrillers, spy thriller, spy, spies, gunfight, gun fight, chase, chasing, chases, chased, eternal life, eternal, eternity, pop culture, film, films, movie, movies, action, action movie, action movies, cinema, blockbuster, blockbuster hits
Damn these sprinklers and government fire regulations.
A damned man begs for change at the gates of heaven.
Tags:gates of heaven, heaven, heavenly gates, pearly gates, beg, begs, begging, beggar, beggars, panhandle, panhandles, panhandler, panhandlers, panhandling, damned, eternal life, eternity, damnation, eternal damnation, hell, hades, hellbound, donate, donates, donation, donations, charity, charities, charitable giving
'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'
"Professor Case, your longevity studies are just awesome."
Tags:eternal life, longevity, longevity studies, scientist, scientists, scientific breakthrough, scientific breakthroughs, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, scientific discovery, long life, eternal youth, philosopher stone, philosopher's stone, philosophers stone, alchemy, alchemist, alchemists, professor, professors
Fount of eternal youth/brewery.
'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'
"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."
Ask him the secret of eternal life...
A flower nursery: 'Annuals' 'Perennials' 'Eternals'
Tags:nursery, nurseries, garden center, garden centers, garden centre, garden centres, annual flower, annual flowers, annual, annuals, perennial, perennials, perennial flower, perennial flowers, eternal life, eternity, eternals, rising cost, rising costs, longevity, gardener, gardeners, flower garden, flower gardens, flower gardener, flower gardeners
Fountain of Youth and Fountain of Smart.
'Okay, then, I want to die after men stop acting like selfish jerks.'
"It's OK, I guess. I just wish there were some committees to join."
"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."
'I think the magic starts to happen when the water gets warm and starts to bubble?'
'ETERNITY-with my varicose veins?'