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"I'd like to help you, but you're in a different H.M.O."
"Your insurance covers a warm hug or a hearty handshake from the pharmacist, but not both."
"No, it won't pay for that either."
"Unfortunately, your health insurance considers sickness, disease, illness, and genetic risk factors as poor lifestyle choices, and won't cover anything related to them."
"Patient's rights? We recommend you don't become a patient."