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'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'
'We're TRYING to find you a job, but you fall into that difficult 18 to 65 age group!'
Career Advisor: 'I wish you'd come to me sooner!'
"I remember we used to talk in the staff room about Unions, and what the point of membership was..."
"That's it, deep fried or mashed. Do you want a job or not?"
Tags:potato, potatoes, spud, spuds, job, jobs, job centre, job center, job centers, interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewee, cooking, cook, cooked, technique, techniques, method, methods, indecisive, indecisiveness, job hunt, job hunting, hesitant, hesitance, mash, mashed, deep fry, deep fat fry, deep frying, recruit, recruiting, options, limited options, choice, limited choice, unhealthy
'I'm prepared to do something different as long as it offers me the same 364 days off a year.'
Tags:summer, break, breaks, holiday, holidays, vacation, vacations, new job, new jobs, career, careers, career path, career paths, santa claus, santa, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nick, st nick, st. nicholas, st nicholas, job centre, job centres, job center, job centers, annual leave, annual leaves
Job Centre: 'Closed Due to Staff Shortage.'
"You have no experience, skills or talent. I'm afraif we can only place you on a reality TV show, which will lead to wealth and fame."
Tags:reality tv, reality television, reality show, reality program, reality shows, reality programs, unemployment office, unemployment offices, job centre, job centres, job center, job centers, show business, show biz, fame, fortune, actor, actors, actress, actresses, career, careers, career path, career paths
'I'm afraid all I can offer you is 20 minutes on the Jeremy Kyle show.'
"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"
Unemployment office: Dec. 26th.
"Seems like we're always the first to get the blame when crime rises."
"I never thought when I went to that job fair..."
"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."
Tags:temptation of christ, jesus, jesus christ, 40 days, 40 nights, forty days, forty nights, personal time, annual leave, leave, paid leave, employment office, job centre, job centres, job center, job centers, job seeker, job seekers, job requirement, job requirements, holiday time, job hunter, job hunters, job hunting
"To show we're not all bad, the company is giving all laid off employees a GPS device to help them find the unemployment office."
Tags:lay off, lay-off, lay-offs, lay offs, laid off, laid-off, redundancy, redundancies, redundancy package, redundancy packages, unemployment office, job center, job centre, job centres, job centers, unemployment benefits, unemployment welfare, gps, sat nav, satellite navigation, employee, employees, employer, employers, directions
'Got any rugby jobs?'
'Congratulations-after 25 years we've found you a job in a gold watch factory!'
"Sorry...right out of coastguard jobs at the moment. Not even one on the horizon."
Tags:desert island, desert islands, deserted island, deserted islands, coastguard, coastguards, coast-guard, coast-guards, job centre, job centres, job center, job centers, job seeker, job seekers, job seeking, job hunter, job hunters, job hunting, job opening, job openings, job opportunity, job opportunities
'But I do network. I talk to everybody in the unemployment office.'
'You were an author? What book did you write?'
Brian misunderstood when the job centre wanted to see his CV.
"And why exactly did you quit your job as a chainsaw salesman, Mr. Shloompf?"
Tags:salesman, salesmen, job interview, job interview, chainsaw, chainsaws, amputees, amputations, job center, job centers, quit, quits, quitting, hazard, hazards, job hazard, job hazards, health and safety, safety regulation, safety regulations, regulation, regulations, missing limb, missing limbs, new job, new jobs, new career, new careers, career change, career changes
'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'
Job Centre - 'I'm afraid the only jobs we have available are as celebrities.'