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"No, I'm not backing up our files–I'm just assuming that the F.B.I. is making copies."
Tags:computer, computers, file, files, computer file, computer files, save, back-up, back-ups, back up, back ups, backup, backups, backing up, document, documents, copy, copies, business, businessman, businessmen, corporate, executive, executives, crime, criminal, criminals, corporation, corporations, company, companies, database, databases, data, fbi, federal bureau of investigations, f.b.i., feds, federal government, nsa, national security agency, n.s.a., security, privacy, intelligence agency, intelligence agencies, spy, spying, spies, invasion of privacy, internet privacy, computer privacy, internet security, technology, surveillance, under surveillance, shady, suspect, suspicious
'Another advantage of switching to electronic health records is that it will make your indecipherable handwriting obsolete.'
"There! I've deleted you from my database!"
"Sorry, bub. You're not database."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, entering heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, technology, computer, computers, database, databases, data, bureaucracy, bureaucrat, bureaucrats
'Good news, when we transferred your medical history to our digital system, it suddenly became legible.'
Information vs. confusion
'We have this piece of the Web 2.0 puzzle but we need the rest.'
This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.
'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'
'This problem has been my life's work. I planned to devote my remainig years to it. It's just been solved in four seconds.'
'Now don't panic. Not everything was erased. We still have loads of data on rainfall, upholstery and jaywalking.'
'If we're interested, we'll have our database contact your database.'
Databank - 'If you did it, we know about it.'
QuackBooks (duck finds a computer error).
'I have millions of answers...how about a few questions.'
'I checked our database. Your disease is so rare, there hasn't been a single telathon for it.'
'The databank is slightly mistaken. I'm not an alcoholic. I never attempted to assassinate the govenor. I havne't been married 17 times. I don't owe $66,000 in gambling debts...'
'We've broken your list into eighty-four subgroups. Our work here is done.'
'This is not going to look too good on your record: complaining about invasion of privacy.'
'This used to take hours.'
'If to err is human, how do you explain this mess?'
'Computers cannot do logic. I can do logic. Therefore, I am not a computer.'
"Networks, databases, the internet, the web, where is it all going?" Computer answers - "I haven't made up my mind yet!"