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'I'm an asset to my company, an investment to my wife, a liability to the environment, and a write-off to my children...'
"Cheetah more than friend. Cheetah dependent."
Tags:tax, taxes, tax day, tax days, write-off, write-offs, dependent, dependents, dependence, cheetah, ape, apes, monkey, monkeys, chimp, chimps, chimpanzee, chimpanzees, claim, claims, claiming, friend, friends, friendship, friendships, 1040, 1040s, creative accounting, accountant, accountants, save money, saves money, saving money
Alternative Dickens: Scrooge Is Audited.
Tags:scrooge, ebenezer scrooge, dickens, charles dickens, alternative dickens, audit, audits, auditor, auditors, write-off, write-offs, written off, greed, greedy, greediness, accountant, accountants, accounting, personal accountant, personal accountants, christmas carol, christmas, miser, misers, miserly, stingy
"We've got a lot of deadwood in this firm, Crawford. Let's give it back to the community."
Tags:give back, gives back, giving back, charitable donation, charitable donations, community, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, round of layoffs, sacking, sackings, sacked, dead wood, cut loose, cutting loose, corporate logic, greed, greedy, profit, profits, profit motive, profit motives, motivation, motivations, motivating, charity, charities, charitable donation, charitable donations, write-off, write-offs, writing off, written off, executive, executives, corporate mentality, corporate mentalities, management, manager, managers
"My tax refunds are great! I write off the mileage, report all of the presents as charitable donations and use undocumented elves for labor."
"The public seems concerned about the size of government."
Tags:big government, government expenditure, government expenditures, write-off, write-offs, writing off, sauna, saunas, spa, spas, day spa, day spas, expense, expenses, government reduction, government reductions, spa visit, spa visits, tax write-off, tax write-offs, tax, taxes, taxation, waste, wasteful, government spending, parliamentary expenses, scandal, scandals, write off, write offs
'I won't be able to meet you today. My car's in the shop.'
"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."
Tags:tax, irs, tax return, tax returns, audit, audits, taxpayer, taxpayers, taxation, inland revenue service, internal revenue service, finances, money, finance, accountant, accountants, businessmen, businessman, receipt, receipts, write-offs, write-off, write off, income tax, income taxes, business tax, business taxes, write offs, tax deduction, tax deductions
"Yes, I know I told you that I scratched the car... You mean, you can't see the scratches?"
Tags:wife, husband, marriage, motoring, prang, accident, insurance, driving, car, scratches, wreck, write off, write-off, write offs, write-offs, car insurance, auto insurance, husbands, wives, car accident, car wreck, car wrecks, car accidents, car collision, car collisions, driver, drivers, gender stereotypes, everyday sexism
'My wife decided to sell her car.'
'What would you suggest for someone who needs a large tax write-off?'
The driverless car
"It was insured for everything except coolness depreciation. Two years old and apparently it's a write-off."
"Someone has left this old wreck of a car outside...."
"But Dad, it will take more than a bit of white ribbon to make this into a wedding car..."
'No, I didn't write it off completely. The spare wheel is fine.'
'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'
Car runs over a bird and the left front section gets completely ruined.
'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'
'Here's a car like ours but obviously driven by a woman!!!'
Garage "Now then, squire, what would you like first - the bad news, or the really, really bad news?"
"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"
"This year at tax time I'm going to claim him as my child."
Tags:tax, taxes, tax deduction, tax deductions, tax deductible, tax return, tax returns, husband, husbands, wife, wives, married life, couch potato, couch potatoes, slob, slobs, dependent, dependents, child, claim, year, write-off, man, woman, television, lazy, slob, loser, fat, drink, alcohol, wife, tax time