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"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."
“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”
'Well, well, what do we call you? Middle-aged-lady's best friend, or lonely-rollerblader's best friend?'
'Hey, Mom - I hope you're sitting down, because you just got another grandferret!'