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Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News
Tags:alum, alums, alumni, alumnae, chance encounter, chance encounters, old friend, old friends, college friend, college friends, art school, art schools, visual arts, visual arts major, visual arts majors, faux pas, cringe, cringes, cringing, awkward, awkward scenario, awkward scenarios, awkward scene, awkward scenes, copywriter, copywriters, writing copy, copy, advertising agency, advertising agencies, career, careers, success, successes, successful, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, waitress, waitresses, fail, fails, failing, failure, failures
"How are her scores?"
Tags:score, scores, test score, test scores, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, parent, parents, parenting, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, pride, proud, toddler, toddlers, competitive, competition, competitions, stroller, strollers, start young, starts young, starting young, kid, kids, young age, overbearing
"We worked hard, damn hard- but we knew when to stop. We were not workaholic."
"It's bee fifty years. I guess you really can't compare apples to oranges."
"Held up at work? You could have called."
Tags:alcohol, alcoholic, drinking, drinks, drink, bartender, bartenders, office, offices, working, works, work late, held up, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, call ahead, calling, calls, loyal, loyalty, allegiance, faithful, relationship, relationships, bartending, pub, bar, bars, pubs, annoyed, warning, warns, comparison, compared, comparing, parody
"Of course, it helped that my father was also a king."
Tags:royal, royals, hereditary, inherit, inherits, achievement, achievements, crown, crowns, help, helped, helping, parent, parents, monarch, monarchs, proud, pride, class, classes, upper-class, kingdom, kingdoms, royalty, monarchy, monarchies, history, comparison, comparing, compared, modern, social mobility, social-mobility
"She'll be driving six white horses when she comes. I can't compete with that."
Tags:child, children, children's song, kids, kid, kid's song, kid's songs, she'll be coming round the mountain, competition, competitions, compete, competing, attraction, grand entrance, christian song, religion, religions, religious, christian, christians, christianity, comparing, gossip, gossiping, smack talk, talking smack, talking trash, trash talk
"I can't believe their flag isn't even wearing a flag pin."
Tags:neighbor, neighbors, neighborhood, neighborhoods, neighbour, neighbours, neighbourhood, neighbourhoods, patriotic, patriots, patriotism, keeping up with the joneses, idiom, idioms, socioeconomic, culture, cultural, inferior, inferiority, superior, superiority, suburbs, suburbia, flag, flags, comparing, comparison, pride, proud
"Of course you're going to be depressed if you keep comparing yourself with successful people."
'I have nothing against the old standard. But I get more laughs with the bolo tie.'
"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, cooking, homecooking, home cooking, cook, cooks, chef, chefs, famous chef, famous chefs, food, dinner, dinners, dinnertime, mealtime, meal, meals, bad cook, bad cooks, bad at cooking, compare, comparison, comparisons, comparing, television, televisions, television show, television shows, television program, television programs, television programmes, television programmes, tv, tvs, tv show, tv shows, tv program, tv programs, tv programmes, tv programmes, t.v., t.v.s, t.v. show, t.v. shows, t.v. program, t.v. programs, t.v. programme, t.v. programmes, watching t.v., watching tv, watching television
"I've been in the private sector and I've been in the public sector, and rich is better."
"To be honest, I inherited this mess."
Tags:george washington, washington, founding father, founding fathers, president, presidents, i cannot tell a lie, politician, politicians, modern, blame, blame game, i did cut it with my hatchet, cherry tree, tree, comparison, comparing, inherited, george, trees, hatchet, hatchets, axe, angry, annoyed, annoy
"The caterers haven't shown up, the musicians are late, and the elevator is broken. We might as well be living in a Third World country."
Tags:rich, the rich, aristocrat, aristocrats, aristocracy, let down, being let down, melodramatic, over the top, ridiculous, wealth, wealthy, class, classes, affluent, comparison, compares, comparing, ridiculous, third world, third world country, poor, first world problems, out of hand, helpless, sympathetic, unsympathetic, absurd, unbelievable, disbelieving
With and without a starter.
Tags:run, runs, running, runner, runners, start, starts, starting, started, starter, starters, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, race, races, racing, racer, racers, athlete, athletes, athletics, starting gun, starting guns, gone, uncontrolled, controlled, controlling, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"I don't mean to grouse, but I had a better dental plan down there."
"If only legginess were based on circumference."
Tags:women, woman, girl, girls, thick, curvy, curves, chunky, chunkiness, fat, out of shape, fitness, health, fit, getting fit, exercise, exercising, circumference, width, length, leg, legs, legginess, leggy, long legs, toned, middle age, middle aged, comparing, comparison, jealous, jealousy, body image, confidence, self confidence, self esteem
"I'm not sure. Fat compared to what?"
Tags:adam, eve, fat, fats, look, looks, body, bodies, tone, toning, comparing, comparison, reference, reference point, garden of eden, eden, genesis, bible, bibles, old testament, old testaments, book of genesis, parody, relationship, relationships, health, healthy, beauty, appearance, appearances, appear, vanity, self conscious, self-conscious
"Big deal, an A in math. That would be a D in any other country."
Tags:education, school, schools, schooling, teaching, teacher, teachers, student, students, classroom, classrooms, class, classes, mark, marks, grade, grades, report card, report cards, report, reports, math, maths, mathematics, test, tests, testing, academic, academics, academic standing, academics standings, international, foreign, comparison, comparisons, compare, comparing, rank, ranks, ranking, score, scores, elementary, primary, intelligence, standard, standards, curriculum, curricula, united states, us, u.s., united states of america, usa, u.s.a., america, american, country, countries, modern life
'Sir, I suggest we analyze our current cash flow situation in light of the obvious thematic parallels it has with several classic short stories!'
"Yet she never gains an ounce."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, insect, insects, bug, bugs, dragonfly, dragonflies, beetle, beetles, ant, ants, gossip, gossiping, jealousy, jealous, envy, envious, fitness, body image, diet, diets, dieting, eating habits, health, gaining weight, metabolism, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, psychology, mental health, vanity, ego, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, comparing, comparisons, unfair comparison, beauty
'When you're a kid, you keep score with report cards. When you grow up, it's credit scores.'
"Well, now that we've established that we're all wearing Tommy Hilfiger underwear, can we proceed to the substance of the meeting?"
Tags:designer, designers, designer label, designer labels, fashion designer, fashion designers, underwear, underpants, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, divert, diverts, diverting, diversion, diversions, boardroom, boardrooms, board room, board rooms, meeting, meetings, business meeting, business meetings, drop your pants, drop your trousers, business culture, corporate culture
"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."
Tags:animals, animal, cows, cow, bull, bulls, bull fighting, bull fighter, bull fighters, bull fight, bull fights, hard day, hard day at work, hard day at the office, relationships, relationship woes, relationship issues, competition, competitive, its not a competition, belittle, belittling, belittles, comparing, bad relationship, bad relationships, gender stereotype, one-upmanship, lack of sympathy, unsympathetic
Snow White and Sleeping Beauty Have Tea
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, sleeping beauty, snow white, compare, compares, comparing, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairytale, fairytales, legend, legends, compare notes, comparing notes, comparison, comparisons, comparing, out of body experience, out of body experiences, experience, experiences, gossip, gossips, gossiping