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"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."
"It's mostly sweater weight."
"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."
"Why do they all gain those extra pounds at the exact same time of the year?"
"I really shouldn't have any dessert. My trainer told me never to eat out of boredom."
'And in the red corner, still carrying a little Christmas weight...'