Search by Search ID or Tag or use the Advanced Search
"This is my lawyer—he's going to handle the fine print."
'For an additional fee I can touch up your DMV picture using digital photo editing software.'
"Remember, the customer is always right!"
"I've never seen the line so short. I should be finished here in no time!"
"Not only will you pay the processing fee, you will also pay the late fee. Now go to the end of the line to make a new appointment for a month from now. And no, I never smile. I was born angry."
"So, under 'Hair Color' you wrote 'Infra-Redhead!?!"
The first clerk of the first DMV.
"I want to make your time here a pleasant experience so that you leave today with a big smile on your face. . .April Fool!"
"Atilla the DMV employee"
"If this turns out to be the right form, let me know."
'It says here the D.M.V. got hit by a robbery today that took 3 hours. . . you know how those lines are.'
'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'
'The Department of Motor Vehicles is here to make your phone inquiry quick and easy. Using your telephone keypad, enter your sixteen digit motorist ID, followed by your nine digit Social Security number, and your ten digit telephone number....'
To liven up her day, DMV employee Shirley Varb liked to shoot spitballs at people as they had their drivers' photos taken.
'I'm leery of these govenment drones."
'After seeing you in person, I've decided to turn down your request for vanity plates.'
Company Parties at the DMV
'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to a twenty-year career at the DMV.'
'Damn, so close!'
"If there's anything else we can do to help make this a more frustrating experience, please let us know."
"Ooooh, BAD IDEA! I wouldn't try it if I were you. Five years ago, I saw Ben Affleck run his 'Do you know who I am?' game in this very office, and they made him wait an extra THREE HOURS!"
"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"
"Number Thirty Two."
DMV: Expect Delays