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"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."
Tags:science, medical, criminal excuses, white collar criminals, moral relativism, courtroom, law, judges, genetic determinism, white collar crime, white collar crimes, justice, determinism, determinist, deterministic, plea bargain, plea bargains, plea deal, plea deals, trial, trials, not guilty plea, not guilty pleas, excuse, lame excuse, lame excuses, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, mankoff
"Maybe he can't swim."
Tags:swim, swims, swimming, swimmer, swimmers, christ, miracle, miracles, miraculous, new testament, jesus, gospel, gospels, bible, bible story, bible stories, non-swimmer, non-swimmers, walk on water, walks on water, walking on water, can't swim, excuse, excuses, poor excuse, poor excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, son of god
"I'm the victim of negative advertising."
Tags:report card, report cards, grade, grades, grading, bad grade, bad grades, negative ad, negative ads, negative advertising, campaign ad, campaign ads, bad student, bad students, political ad, political ads, politician, future politician, future politicians, excuse, excuses, advertising, victim, victims, victimhood, lame excuse, lame excuses, skirt blame, skirts blame, skirting blame
"Is it too much to ask for your trust? I've already explained that my dealings with Jennifer Monahan are of a covert nature."
Tags:trust, trusts, trustworthy, husband, husbands, cheat, cheats, philander, philanders, philandering, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, secret, secrets, marriage, marriages, angry wife, angry wives, furious, outrage, outraged, suspect, suspicious, suspicion, suspicions, spy, spies, spying, husband, husbands, wife, wives
"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."
Tags:kids, equality, equal rights, human rights, liberal, liberals, self-righteous, self-righteousness, legal, legality, have kids, having kids, have children, having children, start a family, starting a family, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, selfish, selfish lifestyle, selfish lifestyles, birth, give birth, lgbt, lgbtq, lgbtqia, good intentions, family planning
"My only crime, Denise, was loving you too much. That and embezzling your trust fund."
Tags:embezzle, embezzles, embezzling, corporate crime, corporate criminal, corporate criminals, white collar crime, white collar crimes, trust fund, trust funds, trust, excuse, excuses, bad excuse, bad excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, love, loves, take advantage, taking advantage, wife, wives, fraud, fraudulent
"It's not you—it's natural selection."
Tags:natural selection, breakup, breakups, split up, splits up, splitting up, breaking up, break up, break ups, deer, buck, bucks, evolution, evolve, evolves, evolving, natural world, survival of the fittest, ex, exes, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriend, ex-girlfriends, heartbreak, heartbroken, it's not you, breakup speech, breakup speeches, cliche, cliches, cliched, hunter, hunters, hunting, deer hunter, deer hunters, deer hunting, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses
"Thanksgiving shmanksgiving - we both know this is because I slept with your wife."
Tags:thanksgiving, turkey, turkeys, turkey dinner, turkey dinners, revenge, vengeance, other man, other men, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters, adulterer, adulterers, execute, executes, executing, execution, executions, fight back, fights back, fighting back, christmas, christmas dinner, christmas dinners, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses
"Just tell him we're taking him someplace dark where he can see the comet."
Tags:astronomy, astronomer, astronomers, comet, comets, stargazing, stargazer, stargazers, stargaze, asteroid, asteroids, organized crime, organised crime, mafia, mafioso, mob, mobs, mob hit, mob hit, whacked, kill, killing, murder, murders, murdering, lure, lures, luring, lure away, lures away, excuse, excuses, assassination, assassinations, out-of-the-way, hale-bopp, halley's comet, lame excuse, lame excuses, unbelievable
Excuse Cards: "If one doesn't work, try another!"
"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"
Tags:kid, child, boy, student, pupil school, education, teacher, homework, dog eating homework, doctor, x-rays, excuses, excuse, lame excuse, lame excuses, dog ate my homework, the dog ate my homework, elementary school, elementary school teacher, elementary school teachers, homework assignment, homework assignments, late homework, verification, verify, verifies, verifying
"Well, maybe if you let me work from home I wouldn't have to look at porn on my work computer."
Tags:work from home, works from home, working from home, homeworking, work computer, work computers, employee, employees, boss, bosses, manager, managers, managing, discipline, disciplines, disciplining, excuse, excuses, lame excuses, scapegoat, scapegoats, scapegoating, lash out, lashes out, lashing out
My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.
"The dog ate my homework, but I had to shred it and mix it with his food."
"The dog ate my homework."
Tags:homework, dog, dogs, cat, cats, excuse, excuses, student, students, teacher, teachers, pet, pets, lame excuse, lame excuses, cliche, cliches, cliched, school, schools, schoolwork, school work, elementary school, elementary schools, primary school, primary schools, professor, professors, animal lover, animal lovers
"No, honest, I just sat on a squeaky toy."
"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."
Tags:tardy, tardiness, late, lateness, punctual, punctuality, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, traffic, bad traffic, date, dates, stood up, flake, flakes, flaky, honest, honesty, admit, admits, admitting, leave, leaves, leaving, leave late, leaves late, leaving late, careless, carelessness, rude, rudeness, impolite, dinner date, dinner dates
"You know what I learned today? I learned you can't tell your boss he's a jerk and blame it on autocorrect."
Tags:bartenders, bartender, barhop, barhops, jerks, jerk, boss, bosses, difficult boss, difficult bosses, employer, employers, employee, employees, autocorrect, autocorrects, fire, fired, firing, lost job, lost jobs, job loss, job losses, bad excuse, bad excuses, excuse, excuses, excusing, lame excuse, lame excuses
"We've found the old maps of the human tongue were inaccurate. Here's the new map."
"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"
Tags:golf, golfing, golfer, golf bags, golf clubs, golfing equipment, excuse, excuses, bad excuse, bad excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses, excuses for losing, sore loser, golf excuses, psychiatrist, anthropomorphism, sore losers, golf score, golf scores, handicap, handicaps, complex, guilt complex, guilt complexes
"I was not sleeping. My head was in the 'cloud'."
Tags:education, school, schools, class, classroom, kid, students, teacher, teachers, technology, computer, storage, cloud, cloud storage, cloud server, cloud servers, nap, naps, napping, napper, nappers, sleep, sleeps, sleep through, sleeps through, sleeping through, head in the cloud, heads in the cloud, cloud computer, cloud computers, cloud computing, modern life, excuse, excuses, excusing, lame excuse, lame excuses
"She said she needed more space, so she left me!"
"My homework is late because I still have dial-up."
Tags:dial-up, dial up, dial-up internet, dial up internet, internet access, late homework, homework, excuse, excuses, bad excuse, bad excuses, generation gap, generation gaps, lame excuse, lame excuses, landline, landlines, teacher, teachers, classroom, classrooms, elementary school, elementary schools, primary school, primary schools
Excuses to not go to work - 'Dial An Excuse'
"Yes...there is a problem...but, fixing it would be far too expensive."