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"We found this in your brain."
"I'm afraid that novel in you will have to come out."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumors, removal, come out, remove, writer, writers, author, authors, book, books, novel, novels, literature, writer's block, word play, wordplay
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."
Tags:tumour, tumours, tumor, tumors, baseball, baseballs, sport, sports, sportsman, sporting, base ball, the game, last inning, final inning, terminal, doctor, doctors, medicine, medicines, good news, bad news, good news and bad news, apt, appropriate, hospital, hospitals, gallows humor, black humor, dark humor, gallows humour, black humour, dark humour, get well, get well soon
"Good news, Mrs. Bryant - I think we got it all."
'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'
"We found a lumpty."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, egg, eggs, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, fictional character, fictional characters, humpty dumpty, lump, lumps, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, cancer, bad news
'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'
'Then we invented cell phones and the more we used them, the bigger our heads got.'
Doctor to man: 'We've found a mass. The good news is we have weapons of mass destruction.'
"The brain tumor's incurable, but let me give you something for that dandruff."
"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."
"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."
Tags:attorney, attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, legal team, legal teams, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, removal, removals, legal representation, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, hospital, hospitals, procedure, procedures, removal, removals, legal representative, cancer, cancers
"Put a sock on his growth and he's the life of the party!"
"Trust me: It's benign."
Tags:tumour, tumours, tumor, tumors, benign tumour, benign tumours, benign tumor, benign tumors, camel, camels, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnostics, gp, gps, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, healthcare, medical care, patient, patients, paranoia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, veterinary surgeon, veterinary surgeons
An Oncologist at work and on days off at home
"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."
'It says that reading about cancer can give you CANCER!'
"You really have a great sense of tumor."
Tags:tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, sense of humour, pun, puns, word game, word games, word-game, word-games, scientist, medical scientist, medical scientists, medical science, scientists, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, compliment, compliments, complimenting, colleague, colleagues, coworker, coworkers
"I'm afraid it's bad news...You have a Tuba!"
"Good news, Mrs. Mostyn. Not only is it benign, but it's also herbivorous."
Tags:benign, calm, gentle, soft, nice, friendly, tumor, tumour, tumors, tumours, benign tumor, benign tumors, benign tumour, benign tumours, noncancerous, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, doctors office, doctors offices, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, herbivore, herbivores, plant eater, plant eaters, monster, monsters, creature, creatures, strange diagnosis, rare diagnosis, diagnosis, medical
'There is an experimental treatment using mice that looks very promising. Unfortunately, you're a hamster.'
"Jeez ... and he thought those red marks on his nose were from his glasses."
'There's no easy way to tell you this Mr.Lymtop...But i'm afraid you have an inoperable brain tuna.'