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'Your computer was protected against viral but not bacterial infections.'
'In simple terms, bacterial infections can be treated with anti-biotics such as penicillin - whereas a virus is something yur computer gets.'
"Look, if you had a bacterial infection, I could prescribe something. But that's clearly a virus. I just can't help you."
'The bad news about your bacteria infection is that you are now part of the food chain.'
'You're hosting a bacterial infection for some very prominent guest: all the Pains will be there, the Antibiotics will definitely show, but unfortunately alcohol will not be served.'
Please leave your feet by the door.