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"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."
"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."
"I'd like to dedicate this next song to all those who thought they'd loved and lost only to find out years later that it was just some sort of scheduling conflict."
"If I can't feel love, what was the point of making me so damn good-looking."
"I'd like to start seeing other castaways."
"Every guy out there is either married, gay, or a human suit zipped around a column of ants."
"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "
"If you were me, you'd be self-absorbed, too."