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"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child is a changeling left by the fairies."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, exam, exams, examination, examinations, test, tests, testing, genetic testing, dna testing, d.n.a. testing, dna test, dna tests, d.n.a. test, d.n.a. tests, genetic test, genetic tests, parentage, paternity, maternity, changeling, changelings, fairy, fairies, faerie, faeries, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, family, families, adopted, adoption, adoptions, strange, unusual, fantasy, science-fiction, sci-fi, horror, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, biology, science, creature, creatures
"I was lucky -- my parents went to Heaven."
"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."
Tags:chicken, chickens, egg, eggs, baby, babies, child, children, kid, kids, parentage, parent, parents, mom, moms, mother, mothers, mum, mums, large baby, large babies, badass mom, badass, badass mum, unquestionable, unquestionably, macrosomia, birth, gynaecologist, gynaecologists, new mothers, new mother, new mum, new mums, new mom, new moms
"And he has a long, graceful neck just like his father who was definitely a zebra."
"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, cow, cows, cattle, livestock, card, cards, playing card, playing cards, breeding, lineage, ancestor, ancestors, relative, relatives, holstein-friesian, king of diamonds, diamond, diamonds, king, parent, parents, parentage, dairy, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, family tree, family history
"No, it's just that the royal inbreeding makes me look like a frog."
Tags:fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, children's story, children's stories, story, stories, literature, children's literature character, characters, fictional character, fictional characters, the frog prince, brothers grimm, princess, princesses, prince, princes, royal, royals, royalty, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, frog, frogs, amphibian, amphibians, inbreeding, breeding, lineage, parentage, relative, relatives, related, family, families, family tree, family issues, family problems, ancestor, ancestors, ancestry, science, biology, genetics, genes, history, historical, looks, appearance, personal appearance, facial features, family resemblance
"No idea. I'm doing a DNA test."
Tags:dog, dogs, pet, pets, puppy, puppies, breed, breeds, breeding, crossbreed, crossbreeds, inbred, inbreds, poodle, poodles, pug, pugs, bulldog, bulldogs, combination, combinations, unsure, dna, dna test, dna testing, test, tests, testing, parentage, ethnicity, parent, parents, unsure, uncertain, unspecified
"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, talking pet, talking pets, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, talking dog, talking dogs, dog, dogs, canine, canines, dog owner, dog owners, breeding, breed, breeds, breeder, breeders, parent, parents, parentage, poodle, poodles, pit bull, pit bulls, family, families, role, roles, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, father, fathers, dad, dads, kid, kids, child, children, puppy, puppies, family issues, family problems, family dynamics
"I'm adopted? Well that explains so much."
'So in hindsight, maybe not the best idea...'
"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."
Tags:e-z pass, new jersey, new york, new york city, new jersey turnpike, turnpike, conceive, conceives, conceiving, conception, conceptions, parent, parents, photo album, photo albums, nostalgia, memory, memories, sleep around, sleeps around, sleeping around, family tree, family trees, parentage, mistake, mistakes, accident, accidents, son, sons, mother, mothers, unknown father, father, fathers, slut shame, slut shames, slut shaming
'As near as I can understand it, they're my real Mom and Dad.'
"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"
'Yes, there are a few questions about his parentage.'
fountain of youth
'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'
'They're all by different dads.'
'Your DNA test results are now in.'
My parents had a mutual love of grass.
"Doris, do you remember that whale you adopted?"
"Next of kin? Well, there's Mom and Dad."
Tags:next of kin, next-of-kin, kin, parent, parents, congenital, closest relative, closest relatives, close relative, family relations, mom and dad, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, dad, dads, father, fathers, old folks, old people, parentage, elderly parents, long-lived, long lived, long living, longevity, family tree, family-tree, family history, lineage, ancestors, check-in, checking in, hospital visit, hospital visits