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"Staring holes in me probably increases your risk of stroke."
A recent study found frequent use of cell phones can present a serious health risk to the incredibly inconsiderate.
'Then we invented cell phones and the more we used them, the bigger our heads got.'
'Excuse me, Officer. But I believe the ban is on hand-held cell phones.'
"We are not here to condemn deadly industrial cigarette ingredients! We just want to know - did you or did you not create the tobacco plant?"
"Whereas the alcoholic living in an urban area, who eats high cholesterol foods and smokes three pack a day..."
'Your Ebola test came back negative, but your stress ulcer needs treatment.'
"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."
"It seems reasonable to assume that eating the stuff won't do us any good either."
"I'm going to be as blunt as I can, Mrs. Jones. Being misinformed and neurotic can greatly increase your perceived health risks."
'What will increase stroke risk?'
Smoke makes the shape of a skull.
"I could stop smoking, but no one likes a quitter."
'Stay on the line while Mummy reads you the Report.'
"Have a cigar. Go ahead - they're bubblegum."
For the worst killers, there's no vaccine.
Man's face obscured by smoke from his cigarette
'Every drink takes a day off your life? If that was true, I'd have died years ago!'
'You were talking to your mother?! But...she's at a funeral!'